I know what you're thinking.
You haven't heard from me in a month. The last time this happened, I had fallen off the wagon with my eating/excercising routine, gained ten pounds, had an absolute anxiety attack, and ditched my coach. It was dark times. So you must be wondering, you handful of people who actually still read this "has she fallen off the wagon again?"
Nope! In the words of one of my elementary schoolers "Boombah!"
I have continued to lose weight pretty steadily, although its more like a pound or two a week. Sometimes I stay the same too. Someone said to me that it's important that I can look at that as success and be happy with it.
And I am. I really really am. I don't even have to "look at it as success", because it IS success. Every pound lost is a victory, and this is the healthy way to lose weight. Losing 7-10 pounds a week is not sustainable long term, and is really bad for you. Losing 1-2 lbs a week is good, and it's had great results I havent experienced with that more major weight loss. For instance, I'm starting to notice some awesome muscle definition in my abs and arms (halfway to a six pack, whaaaaat?) which is reassuring because I was really worried that that skin wouldn't snap back because I was losing weight too quickly and not gaining anymuscle. So I am happy. REally really happy.
I won't lie and say it's been easy, because especially with the change in routine as my schedule as moved back to school year split shifts, I am struggling, especially with the food schedule. But my coach has been AMAZING at keeping me on track, keeping up with me via text messages weekly,and giving me pep talks when I am struggling. It just re-affirms to me that I made the right choice in switching. Marie speaks my language and while I have definitely not stuck to the diet 100 percent, she encourages me to find healthy ways to maintain this as a LIFESTYLE, not some crazy fad diet that I'm going to do for 6 months and then go back to my old ways.
What has worked for me in the last month, really, has been keeping pretty strictly with my diet during the week, excercising when I can, and letting loose on the weekends. Work hard, play hard right?
I guess that's really why I haven't updated lately. I've been so busy enjoying my life that I forgot to tell everyone all about it. It seems to be a lot easier to write here when I NEED to, when things are bad and I need to put it all out there and see what bounces back in the way of advice and encouragement (which you are all amazing at), but when things are going good, well, I'm just a little too busy to share all the good news.
Aside from work changing, I have been making a concentrated effort to be better at getting together with friends. Typically after work/working out, I am so sleepy that my bed and a movie are really the only things I have any interest in. I'm also really trying to get back into music. The album has stalled, and that's okay. I really don't have the chutzpah to get it all in line with everything else going on right now. I am, however, playing out a lot more and writing a bunch. And there's something to be said for that.
Oh, and I've been dating.
That's what I really wanted to write about here, I suppose. Dating. Guys are an incredibly good motivator to staying on track with this whole weight loss thing, for a lot of reasons. I think the biggest is my Self-esteem. I have had pretty low self-esteem when it came to guys, for pretty much my whole life. Lots of rejection in high school led to lots of me dating the wrong guys as I got older- guys who didn't necessarily always treat me very well or who weren't what I needed- guys I hung onto for way too long because in the back of my mind, I thought it was at least better than being alone. Because maybe this was the best I could do, you know? I think I figured nobody would want me because I didn't see a person anyone would possibly find attractive. But now, I feel genuinely good about myself on the outside, which has sort of helped me feel better about all of the stuff on the inside too, you know? The outside is just a shell, but I needed a little more confidence in it if I was going to LET anybody see the rest.
And it wasn't just that. I think my body image kept me from talking to guys, but it also kept me from dressing up (which I love love love to do now), and gave me a pretty fair amount of anxiety about sleeping with someone. I wasn't anxious about sex, I was anxious about being naked. In front of another person. If you're not a size 0, I know you know what I mean. And it took me a long time to realize that EVERYONE is insecure about their bodies. I felt like it was just me struggling with this, and, being the neurotic ridiculous person that I was, I let it control my dating life. Trying to think of ways to sleep with a guy without him having to see you take your clothes off is EXHAUSTING. And the thought of a guy being turned off by the way you look when you're already in such a vulnerable position... well for the most part, in my llife, I just sort of stayed away from the whole thing until recently.
Not to say that I'm whoring it up with every guy I meet, but I feel a lot better about the way I look in a dress.... or out of a dress, and it just takes a lot of the pressure off of dating. I feel like I can just be myself. I don't have anything to compensate for. I don't have anything to prove. So I have been out there a lot more, with mixed results. Went on a few dates with maybe the most awkward man on earth, went out with a filmmaker who I was really into but who never called me again (and rejection is a lot easier when you feel like it's not about the way you look, and you don't feel like the wya you look is so impossible to change that nobody will ever be interested).
Mostly I've just been figuring out what I want. And I think that definitely has to do with this new spot in my life too. My coach said it best when she was talking about her own dating life and said that a guy who sits on the couch and eats doritos all day just won't do. I think it would be way too easy to slip back into old habits that way. Like a recovered alcoholic dating someone with an unresolved drinking problem. I need someone who inspires and motivates me, and who I feel like I need to keep up with. In addition to all the other stuff I've learned that I need/want over the years, I feel like this is really really important. Just like I think people need to be at the same place with regards to maturity, intelligence, and lifestyle, I think their fitness level needs to be comparable too. And I'm finding that maybe that person is out there, and maybe isn't quite as impossible to find as I thought.
I guess I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still out here, still doing well, still working hard, and figuring it all out. And even though I don't write all the time,and probably still won't, I'm still thinking about you guys and hoping you're doing well, too.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
062: Quickie blog
Hey all! So I'm going to make this one quick. I know I haven't blogged a lot this week, but I've been so busy! Summer is in full swing and I'm a happy camper. Pre-prepping meals has actually been a godsend since I usually only have 15 minutes to eat between work and something else. But it's so worth it.
So when I stepped on the scale today, I found out I'm up 3 lbs from last week. But I am really okay with that, actually. Today is the first day of "that time of the month" and I know that I gain anywhere between 2 and 5 lbs during that time. It really sucks, being a girl. I am actually proudest of myself for not sweating these 3 lbs. I think it's because I know I've stayed on track this week, so there was nothing I could really do to help myself do better, honestly. So I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and next week will be different.
I hope you all are having a great week and staying healthy and getting out a lot in the sunshine! I WILL say there is a lot of stuff going on in my life that I will eventually blog about, but for now, I'm out! Have a lovely saturday!
So when I stepped on the scale today, I found out I'm up 3 lbs from last week. But I am really okay with that, actually. Today is the first day of "that time of the month" and I know that I gain anywhere between 2 and 5 lbs during that time. It really sucks, being a girl. I am actually proudest of myself for not sweating these 3 lbs. I think it's because I know I've stayed on track this week, so there was nothing I could really do to help myself do better, honestly. So I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and next week will be different.
I hope you all are having a great week and staying healthy and getting out a lot in the sunshine! I WILL say there is a lot of stuff going on in my life that I will eventually blog about, but for now, I'm out! Have a lovely saturday!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
061: On food hangovers and feeling crazy
Sorry for the hiatus, blogosphere! (Isn't that the word used to describe the blogging community? Blogosphere? It sounds silly. Try saying it out loud.) I've been so insaely busy this last week or so. My days start at aroung 6:30. Some days I am home for about 10 or 15 minutes to make a quick dinner and then it's back out til 11pm. Some nights I''m not home at all and it's a shake on the go or dinner at my office. So it's been 18 hour days for a few weeks now. Even this weekend, fun as it was to hang out with one of my absolute best friends in the best city in the world, was jam packed. I find myself constantly forgetting things because I have SO much on my plate.
So I'm busy and frazzled and run down. But it's more than that. Lately I'm crying all the time. I'm flying off the handle for ridiculous stuff. I feel awkward and out of sorts and unable to respond in standard social situations. I'm losing my hair, I am not sleeping well...
In short, I feel like I'm going batshit crazy.
And I haven't wanted to say anything because nobody wants to admit something like that. I mean, most people at one time or another will struggle with this sort of thing, but it always leaves a person feeling weak and unreliable. I don't like feeling that way.
Then I read a post on a friend's weight loss blog, and it sounded like she was going through the same thing, going through the motions and trying constantly to get herself out of this funk. And it got me thinking- when you're losing massive amounts of weight in a rapid fashion, is this normal?
So I did a little research, and guess what? It totally is.
Turns out that when you gain weight, you crave sugars and other carbs, and then when you go on a more low-carb diet, you are depriving your brain of seratonin (the brain chemical that makes you feel happy), which can lead to depression and mood swings.
In short, it all comes back to carbs. My arch nemesis. Damn you, carbs! (You can't see me but I am shaking my fist like william shatner right now.)
But I'm glad that it all makes sense now! I SHOULD be miserable and feel crazy right now. My brain chemicals are all kinds of messed up. The question is, what can you do about it? Carbs are not the answer- I accidentally left my herbalife shaker at home over my weekend vacation and went a little carb crazy- and paid for it afterwards, with a huge food hangover (food hangovers are what happens when your body feels awful after binging on deliciousness. If my digestive system could scream and curse at me, it would have.)
I found this article fabulously helpful :
Is your diet making you hangry? (Hungry and angry)
They suggest cutting back on calories and carbs more slowly, which I don't think is going to work for me, and that 45-65 percent of your diet should be carbs. So I'm going to go stock up on some whole grain crackers and whole wheat pasta. It also says I should be getting more omega 3 fatty acids, which are found in things like fish and walnuts (both of which I tend not to eat). I'm also going to try to work in more small amounts of dark chocolate into my diet.
This is all so complicated! How am I going to remember it all? Simple- it's time to buy a new planner, start making to do lists again (I made one for today and yesterday and monday and felt fabulously productive- does anyone else LOVE checking things off of a to-do list as much as I do?) And I'm going to try to do more brain excercising on the weekends- back to sudoku,, trivia, and crossword puzzles for this geek!
I feel good about all of this information and changes. I feel like,w ith anything, it's going to start slowly- all of this is not going to happen over night, but I am going to work at it and try to find that balance, you know? And I mean, if you had asked me if any of this, or any of the things I've done over the last 5 months were possible a year ago, year ago me would have laughed in your face. So I'm sure I can tackle this too.
Also- I have upped my workout regimen in a fun way- more about that tomorrow!
For now, this:
8/7/12
7:45am- herbalife shake and tea
11:15am- herbalife shake, a plum, and almonds
2:30pm- oikos strawberry yogurt
6:00pm- amy's pizza (DELICIOUS- best frozen pizza I've ever had- and organic/okay for you too!) and carrot sticks
So I'm busy and frazzled and run down. But it's more than that. Lately I'm crying all the time. I'm flying off the handle for ridiculous stuff. I feel awkward and out of sorts and unable to respond in standard social situations. I'm losing my hair, I am not sleeping well...
In short, I feel like I'm going batshit crazy.
And I haven't wanted to say anything because nobody wants to admit something like that. I mean, most people at one time or another will struggle with this sort of thing, but it always leaves a person feeling weak and unreliable. I don't like feeling that way.
Then I read a post on a friend's weight loss blog, and it sounded like she was going through the same thing, going through the motions and trying constantly to get herself out of this funk. And it got me thinking- when you're losing massive amounts of weight in a rapid fashion, is this normal?
So I did a little research, and guess what? It totally is.
Turns out that when you gain weight, you crave sugars and other carbs, and then when you go on a more low-carb diet, you are depriving your brain of seratonin (the brain chemical that makes you feel happy), which can lead to depression and mood swings.
In short, it all comes back to carbs. My arch nemesis. Damn you, carbs! (You can't see me but I am shaking my fist like william shatner right now.)
But I'm glad that it all makes sense now! I SHOULD be miserable and feel crazy right now. My brain chemicals are all kinds of messed up. The question is, what can you do about it? Carbs are not the answer- I accidentally left my herbalife shaker at home over my weekend vacation and went a little carb crazy- and paid for it afterwards, with a huge food hangover (food hangovers are what happens when your body feels awful after binging on deliciousness. If my digestive system could scream and curse at me, it would have.)
I found this article fabulously helpful :
Is your diet making you hangry? (Hungry and angry)
They suggest cutting back on calories and carbs more slowly, which I don't think is going to work for me, and that 45-65 percent of your diet should be carbs. So I'm going to go stock up on some whole grain crackers and whole wheat pasta. It also says I should be getting more omega 3 fatty acids, which are found in things like fish and walnuts (both of which I tend not to eat). I'm also going to try to work in more small amounts of dark chocolate into my diet.
This is all so complicated! How am I going to remember it all? Simple- it's time to buy a new planner, start making to do lists again (I made one for today and yesterday and monday and felt fabulously productive- does anyone else LOVE checking things off of a to-do list as much as I do?) And I'm going to try to do more brain excercising on the weekends- back to sudoku,, trivia, and crossword puzzles for this geek!
I feel good about all of this information and changes. I feel like,w ith anything, it's going to start slowly- all of this is not going to happen over night, but I am going to work at it and try to find that balance, you know? And I mean, if you had asked me if any of this, or any of the things I've done over the last 5 months were possible a year ago, year ago me would have laughed in your face. So I'm sure I can tackle this too.
Also- I have upped my workout regimen in a fun way- more about that tomorrow!
For now, this:
8/7/12
7:45am- herbalife shake and tea
11:15am- herbalife shake, a plum, and almonds
2:30pm- oikos strawberry yogurt
6:00pm- amy's pizza (DELICIOUS- best frozen pizza I've ever had- and organic/okay for you too!) and carrot sticks
Saturday, August 4, 2012
060: Never the heroine, always the DUFF.
Hey out there! So first of all, let me deal with some housekeeping. On Thursday I stuck really closely to my diet. Yesterday I deviated a little more than I should have, considering it was the day before weigh in. I had 2 slices of pizza and a cupcake at a going away party (and they were carbalicious! Carbtastic! Carbnificent!) So I was a little apprehensive stepping on the scale this morning. But I still managed to lose 2 lbs this week. 2lbs is not only completely respectable, but it's my goal for weekly weight loss. Losing 10 lbs in a week every week is actually really not good for you. Not only is it not good for you, but your body can't ever really bounce back and stay tight that way. 2lbs is great. Perfect even.
Yesterday I auditioned for a play. I've done some theater before. I am really more of a singer than an actress, but I love musicals for that reason. A little background- I have only once played the leading lady. And that was in youth theater. And I played an old woman. In fact, I almost always either play an old woman, or a fat girl. I've been Jan in Grease, Mama in Bye Bye Birdie, Jacob Marley (in a clown suit actually designed to make me look fatter for laughs) in A Christmas Carol. Over time I have come to only audition for those roles, since I know that's all I'm going to get. Know thyself, right? But yesterday I felt good. I walked in with my head held high and asked to sing/read for the leading lady.
Auditions are always stressful, at least for me. This one was particularly stressful since some of the people there were particularly unfriendly. I wanted to grab one girl and be like "listen. We know you're talented. Get out of your own head and stop scowling at everyone, this is just for fun, honey. We all have day jobs." I don't understand how competitive people get about this stuff. Grown adults with lives outside of this. Come on, effing relax. We're all just here to have a good time.
Of course, there were 2 girls there that blew me out of the water, but hey, I was proud of myself for trying. And really, I figured I would just take any role. That is, of course, until the director asked me to sing for a specific part that is basically one big fat joke.
To say I was crushed is an understatement. I don't care about not being Nancy, but I'll be damned if after all this work I am going to get up on stage and have my size made fun of. I know it's just acting. I know it's just a character. But I'm not a professional actress, and those words still sting. This is regional theater. Nobody's getting paid, it should be fun. If I'm one big walking fat joke, I will not be enjoying myself. Not one bit.
After the auditions wrapped, I actually called the director, but he didn't pick up. I don't think I got the part of "the fat joke" either, since there was one lady, who, in my opinion, was hilarious and totally okay with making fun of herself, and should totally get the part. But if it is offered to me, I am goign to say no. I would literally rather not be in that show at all than be the chubby lovey dovey lady. I have, both on and off stage, been a fat joke for pretty much my whole life. And I will never, ever, be that again. Ever.
Anyway. End rant.
I am off to new york now. Nothing can cure the fat girl in musical theater blues like some best friend time in the big apple. And some jamba juice. Mmm.
Yesterday I auditioned for a play. I've done some theater before. I am really more of a singer than an actress, but I love musicals for that reason. A little background- I have only once played the leading lady. And that was in youth theater. And I played an old woman. In fact, I almost always either play an old woman, or a fat girl. I've been Jan in Grease, Mama in Bye Bye Birdie, Jacob Marley (in a clown suit actually designed to make me look fatter for laughs) in A Christmas Carol. Over time I have come to only audition for those roles, since I know that's all I'm going to get. Know thyself, right? But yesterday I felt good. I walked in with my head held high and asked to sing/read for the leading lady.
Auditions are always stressful, at least for me. This one was particularly stressful since some of the people there were particularly unfriendly. I wanted to grab one girl and be like "listen. We know you're talented. Get out of your own head and stop scowling at everyone, this is just for fun, honey. We all have day jobs." I don't understand how competitive people get about this stuff. Grown adults with lives outside of this. Come on, effing relax. We're all just here to have a good time.
Of course, there were 2 girls there that blew me out of the water, but hey, I was proud of myself for trying. And really, I figured I would just take any role. That is, of course, until the director asked me to sing for a specific part that is basically one big fat joke.
To say I was crushed is an understatement. I don't care about not being Nancy, but I'll be damned if after all this work I am going to get up on stage and have my size made fun of. I know it's just acting. I know it's just a character. But I'm not a professional actress, and those words still sting. This is regional theater. Nobody's getting paid, it should be fun. If I'm one big walking fat joke, I will not be enjoying myself. Not one bit.
After the auditions wrapped, I actually called the director, but he didn't pick up. I don't think I got the part of "the fat joke" either, since there was one lady, who, in my opinion, was hilarious and totally okay with making fun of herself, and should totally get the part. But if it is offered to me, I am goign to say no. I would literally rather not be in that show at all than be the chubby lovey dovey lady. I have, both on and off stage, been a fat joke for pretty much my whole life. And I will never, ever, be that again. Ever.
Anyway. End rant.
I am off to new york now. Nothing can cure the fat girl in musical theater blues like some best friend time in the big apple. And some jamba juice. Mmm.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
059: Carbohydrates: government conspiracy? Or just delicious.
So, I'm finding it hard to be dilligent with this blog. There's just not always something related to my weight loss to write about every day. Which I think is good in a way. This does not own my life.
Yesterday was good. I went to wrights farm with the kids on a field trip and abstained from literally every baked good that was offered to me, no matter how delicious. I was pretty proud of myself. Then I went to the movies, which is also a little test of my abstaining abilities. But with friends as witnesses, I will say I didn't get anything other than a ticket. Go me. So that makes yesterdays food as follows:
7:45am- herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- herbalife shake, banana, almonds
2:30pm- oikos yogurt
6:30pm- chicken and cucumber slices
Then today, I ate:
7:30am- herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- herbalife shake and banana
2:30pm- oikos yogurt
6:30pm- chicken and carrot sticks
I am currently sitting here at the locals loathing this carb free diet. It seems that all delcious things have carbohydrates. I think that is the main ingredient, in fact. Carbohydrates are made of delicious.
So anyway. The other day at work, the kids were learning about food pyramind/my plate, and there was something that is still sort of perplexing to me. In school, as children we learn that we are supposed to have something insane like 8-10 servings of carbohydrates a DAY. I don't know if that's the statistic that still exists now, but when I was a tot, it was for sure 8-10. No wonder we as american's are obese. We are told that 8-10 servings of carbs are recommended. As children! Children will believe anything! I grew up believing in santa claus, and carbohydrates.
Carbs really don't have much nutritional value, do they? Especially carbs as people view them. White flour has absolutely no benefits nutritionally. And by the time we figure it out, we're hooked. I mean, if I needed carbs in my diet, I would be eating carbs and not protein. (And I would be absolutely okay with that).
So if anyone can answer me why we need carbs, please, be my guest. For now I will be oggling the nachos I cannot enjoy. Blah.
Yesterday was good. I went to wrights farm with the kids on a field trip and abstained from literally every baked good that was offered to me, no matter how delicious. I was pretty proud of myself. Then I went to the movies, which is also a little test of my abstaining abilities. But with friends as witnesses, I will say I didn't get anything other than a ticket. Go me. So that makes yesterdays food as follows:
7:45am- herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- herbalife shake, banana, almonds
2:30pm- oikos yogurt
6:30pm- chicken and cucumber slices
Then today, I ate:
7:30am- herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- herbalife shake and banana
2:30pm- oikos yogurt
6:30pm- chicken and carrot sticks
I am currently sitting here at the locals loathing this carb free diet. It seems that all delcious things have carbohydrates. I think that is the main ingredient, in fact. Carbohydrates are made of delicious.
So anyway. The other day at work, the kids were learning about food pyramind/my plate, and there was something that is still sort of perplexing to me. In school, as children we learn that we are supposed to have something insane like 8-10 servings of carbohydrates a DAY. I don't know if that's the statistic that still exists now, but when I was a tot, it was for sure 8-10. No wonder we as american's are obese. We are told that 8-10 servings of carbs are recommended. As children! Children will believe anything! I grew up believing in santa claus, and carbohydrates.
Carbs really don't have much nutritional value, do they? Especially carbs as people view them. White flour has absolutely no benefits nutritionally. And by the time we figure it out, we're hooked. I mean, if I needed carbs in my diet, I would be eating carbs and not protein. (And I would be absolutely okay with that).
So if anyone can answer me why we need carbs, please, be my guest. For now I will be oggling the nachos I cannot enjoy. Blah.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
058: More musings from workout world
Hey out there in blogland!
For those of you keeping track of the food journal, I know I haven't really followed through with my meals for the weekend, but I did do some cheating. I'm happy to say that yesterday I got back to my way strict during the week diet. So here goes:
7:00am- Herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- Herbalife shake, unsalted almonds, and a banana
2:30pm- Oikos strawberry yogurt
6:30pm- strawberries, carrot sticks, cucumber slices, 8oz of chicken, and 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta.
Im finding that I am soooo full at the end of dinner, I actually have no desire to do any late night snacking, which is nice.
So, as promised, I have decided to integrate more weights/toning/resistance/strength training type stuff into my workout. I get plenty of cardio at work, and I walk between 2 and 5 miles every day. But, as with most people who lose a considerable amount of weight, I'm encountering trouble getting my skin to bounce back and stay tight. Gross.
My arms and my abs are the most aggregious offenders. So I figured I should go back to the gym. I haven't been since my sister's wedding, and I do pay 20 dollars a month for a membership. So it's worth trying. Side note: I am always looking for workouts/tips and tricks to target my triceps/lower abs. If you have any, hit me with them!
I didn't go to the "nice gym" in East Providence, but rather the shitty north providence workout world. What is so shitty about it, you ask? Well first of all, I don't know what asshole puts a gym next to a mcdonalds, but they sure do have a sense of humor. Secondly, there's the "women's workout area", which is essentially 2 eliptical machines, a tower stack machine that doesn't work, half a dozen mismatched free weights, and some leg machines, all of which were occupied.
I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to see is a really hot in shape guy when I am struggling and sweating through my weight workout. (Note that since this is north providence, there weren't many hot guys, but rather the over-tanned, over worked out roid raging rejects from the jersey shore casting call, but still). I like the east providence gym since they have a lot of arm machines and an ab machine, as well as a ton of free weights and some mats to do stretching/crunches/what have you- all in the women's gym. I feel so much more comfortable working out with only a bunch of judgemental bitchy ladies watching.
Needless to say, I only worked my arms out for about 20 minutes before hitting the road.
However, as I was working out, I had one moment even more embarassing than struggling to chest press 15 lbs while vinnie and paulie d spotted each other and looked on. I was walking through the gym to the women's locker room. I passed another woman,also working out, and I caught myself thinking "Well at least I'm not as big as her."
I felt horrible. I had, for just a moment, become the bitchy judgemental ladies I hated and made fun of a few months ago. And I'm not even in shape the way they were.
Why do we do that? Why do we, as women, feel the need to compare ourselves to other women? Why do we guage where we should be based on the sizes of the girls around us? Am I the only one who looks around a crowded room to see if I am the heaviest person there? Am I the only one who is silently envious of the skinnier women and silently relieved when there's a girl around who's bigger than me? It's sick and twisted, honestly. But I think it's something that everyone does.
So that's the end of that. If there's one thing I can do today, in addition to all the other crap I've got going on, it's to focus on being the best I can be. For me. To focus on my progress and mine alone, and forget everyone else and where they are in their journey. Today is just about me doing MY best.
For those of you keeping track of the food journal, I know I haven't really followed through with my meals for the weekend, but I did do some cheating. I'm happy to say that yesterday I got back to my way strict during the week diet. So here goes:
7:00am- Herbalife shake and tea
11:00am- Herbalife shake, unsalted almonds, and a banana
2:30pm- Oikos strawberry yogurt
6:30pm- strawberries, carrot sticks, cucumber slices, 8oz of chicken, and 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta.
Im finding that I am soooo full at the end of dinner, I actually have no desire to do any late night snacking, which is nice.
So, as promised, I have decided to integrate more weights/toning/resistance/strength training type stuff into my workout. I get plenty of cardio at work, and I walk between 2 and 5 miles every day. But, as with most people who lose a considerable amount of weight, I'm encountering trouble getting my skin to bounce back and stay tight. Gross.
My arms and my abs are the most aggregious offenders. So I figured I should go back to the gym. I haven't been since my sister's wedding, and I do pay 20 dollars a month for a membership. So it's worth trying. Side note: I am always looking for workouts/tips and tricks to target my triceps/lower abs. If you have any, hit me with them!
I didn't go to the "nice gym" in East Providence, but rather the shitty north providence workout world. What is so shitty about it, you ask? Well first of all, I don't know what asshole puts a gym next to a mcdonalds, but they sure do have a sense of humor. Secondly, there's the "women's workout area", which is essentially 2 eliptical machines, a tower stack machine that doesn't work, half a dozen mismatched free weights, and some leg machines, all of which were occupied.
I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to see is a really hot in shape guy when I am struggling and sweating through my weight workout. (Note that since this is north providence, there weren't many hot guys, but rather the over-tanned, over worked out roid raging rejects from the jersey shore casting call, but still). I like the east providence gym since they have a lot of arm machines and an ab machine, as well as a ton of free weights and some mats to do stretching/crunches/what have you- all in the women's gym. I feel so much more comfortable working out with only a bunch of judgemental bitchy ladies watching.
Needless to say, I only worked my arms out for about 20 minutes before hitting the road.
However, as I was working out, I had one moment even more embarassing than struggling to chest press 15 lbs while vinnie and paulie d spotted each other and looked on. I was walking through the gym to the women's locker room. I passed another woman,also working out, and I caught myself thinking "Well at least I'm not as big as her."
I felt horrible. I had, for just a moment, become the bitchy judgemental ladies I hated and made fun of a few months ago. And I'm not even in shape the way they were.
Why do we do that? Why do we, as women, feel the need to compare ourselves to other women? Why do we guage where we should be based on the sizes of the girls around us? Am I the only one who looks around a crowded room to see if I am the heaviest person there? Am I the only one who is silently envious of the skinnier women and silently relieved when there's a girl around who's bigger than me? It's sick and twisted, honestly. But I think it's something that everyone does.
So that's the end of that. If there's one thing I can do today, in addition to all the other crap I've got going on, it's to focus on being the best I can be. For me. To focus on my progress and mine alone, and forget everyone else and where they are in their journey. Today is just about me doing MY best.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
057: The Swimsuit Issue
I was hard pressed to come up with a topic today. Things went well yesterday. My coach was ecstatic about the weight loss, and she measured me (I lost 13 inches! Woohoo!). Today was good too. I went to the beach, and did my healthy food shopping (fruit and veggies and yogurt and almonds are my life now).
As I'm sitting here grilling my weeks worth of chicken and waiting for my laundry to dry, it hit me.
Bathing suits.
Yesterday was my nephew's first birthday party. It was a pool party. So I went swimming. I know this doesn't sound like a really big deal to all of you, but it is for me. Before this summer, I hadn't been in a bathing suit in front of other people in YEARS. At least 4 or so years. Why, you ask?
Well I figured I didn't like the way I looked in a swimsuit, so why subject other people to it? Of course, that meant giving up on swimming, which is something I really enjoy doing. But no more! Even though my brother-in-law has a stick for a sister who was rocking a bikini (in fact all the girls were rocking 2 piece suits except me) I went out there with my head held high and swam. (Is swam a word?)
I felt great- until pictures started circulating around facebook of me in a swimsuit. Oh, you didn't see them, you say? That's because I rapid-fire untagged them as soon as they came up. You know you do stuff like that too. We've all untagged unattractive pictures of ourselves. I just chalked it up to a little internal reminder that I still have a long way to go.
But then I read this article, <a href="http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/2012-summer-games/Aussie+swim+star+cruises+into+final+sending/7008119/story.html">where people are slamming this australian OLYMPIC SWIMMER for looking fat in her swimsuit</a>. And once again, I have to look around at the world and say ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
How skinny does a person have to be to look good in a swimsuit? I personally think that the OLYMPIAN doesn't look fat. She looks muscular. And she could probably kick your ass, so I'd watch what I say, if I were you, mainstream media. She can't be more than a size 8, at best. And I'm sure she treats her body like a temple, and is the epitome of good health. So I ask again, at what point are we allowed to feel good about our bodies? Who should be "allowed" to wear swimsuits? And if they only look good on people who are a size 0, 2, or 4, then why make them in a size 20?
I wish we still wore swimsuits like <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtF_Jo0Mfy4VG2K7BV0GncRXWh29jxgGcAqUWWVG9Jkaw0kb-xU3xKkg8QUxphfIA9WPF4fKqGOrzXtndzibdYVYHMs9eBwRf6FXu3ndkPfb4B1MEV1VPcLom1I5B-9oW9xwHkmXjGstI/s1600/beauties.jpg">this</a>. Those chicks don't seem to have any problem with the way they look. Not one.
As I'm sitting here grilling my weeks worth of chicken and waiting for my laundry to dry, it hit me.
Bathing suits.
Yesterday was my nephew's first birthday party. It was a pool party. So I went swimming. I know this doesn't sound like a really big deal to all of you, but it is for me. Before this summer, I hadn't been in a bathing suit in front of other people in YEARS. At least 4 or so years. Why, you ask?
Well I figured I didn't like the way I looked in a swimsuit, so why subject other people to it? Of course, that meant giving up on swimming, which is something I really enjoy doing. But no more! Even though my brother-in-law has a stick for a sister who was rocking a bikini (in fact all the girls were rocking 2 piece suits except me) I went out there with my head held high and swam. (Is swam a word?)
I felt great- until pictures started circulating around facebook of me in a swimsuit. Oh, you didn't see them, you say? That's because I rapid-fire untagged them as soon as they came up. You know you do stuff like that too. We've all untagged unattractive pictures of ourselves. I just chalked it up to a little internal reminder that I still have a long way to go.
But then I read this article, <a href="http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/2012-summer-games/Aussie+swim+star+cruises+into+final+sending/7008119/story.html">where people are slamming this australian OLYMPIC SWIMMER for looking fat in her swimsuit</a>. And once again, I have to look around at the world and say ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
How skinny does a person have to be to look good in a swimsuit? I personally think that the OLYMPIAN doesn't look fat. She looks muscular. And she could probably kick your ass, so I'd watch what I say, if I were you, mainstream media. She can't be more than a size 8, at best. And I'm sure she treats her body like a temple, and is the epitome of good health. So I ask again, at what point are we allowed to feel good about our bodies? Who should be "allowed" to wear swimsuits? And if they only look good on people who are a size 0, 2, or 4, then why make them in a size 20?
I wish we still wore swimsuits like <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtF_Jo0Mfy4VG2K7BV0GncRXWh29jxgGcAqUWWVG9Jkaw0kb-xU3xKkg8QUxphfIA9WPF4fKqGOrzXtndzibdYVYHMs9eBwRf6FXu3ndkPfb4B1MEV1VPcLom1I5B-9oW9xwHkmXjGstI/s1600/beauties.jpg">this</a>. Those chicks don't seem to have any problem with the way they look. Not one.
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