008: Adele is not plus size.

Hey folks. So thinks are pretty much starting to get to be status quo here. I work. I work out. I drink shakes instead of eating food. Rinse and repeat.

It's been tough not being on facebook and staying away from social situations as of late. I've definitely been keeping busy, and I've gotten a lot of awesome things done that I wouldn't have gotten done otherwise. I've been reading a lot. I'm pretty close to finishing the scarf that I was supposed to be making for my roommate as a Christmas present. But it's hard. I feel kind of disconnected.

Did you know, in this day and age, that when people were forced to give up all forms of technology and social media (right down to their phones and tvs) they experienced physical and mental withdrawl symptoms? That's right. You can actually be addicted to technology.

And I mean I just gave up facebook. My smart phone is still pretty much glued to my hand, and I watch tv and movies daily. More movies than tv though. I'm not a big TV fan. You can only watch so many reality shows before they all bleed into one mind numbing mush inducing blob.

So anyway. Yesterday I was reading about Adele online, and I found out she is only a size 12! A size 12! Maybe that's plus size by hollywood standards, but it isn't by normal people standards. A size 12 is like... average. And she has just recently hired a personal trainer to lose weight. What the hell. Way to change yourself and stop being a plus size role model to women everywhere. Just like Jennifer Hudson.

I don't blame them though. It just goes to show you how much pressure there is on women to be a certain size. It doesn't matter if you can sing circles around the competition. What's your dress size, that's what matters. That's what's wrong with the music business. That's why people like Ke$ha are famous.

I would love to be a size 12. When I'm a size 12, I know I'm going to want to be smaller, but right now I just want to shake adele and say "What is wrong with you!!!!" You are effing GORGEOUS and even if you looked like hatchetface, your voice is what sells your records. You don't have to kill yourself trying to change, you know?

Anyway. I should head out to the gym. I hope everyone out there in cyberland and the real world and facebook are having a great week!

And I'm not going to post what I ate yesterday, since it's pretty much exactly the same as the day before. Oh well.

003: like chewing on wood chips.

Well, I know I said the first day was probably the toughest. But I was wrong. Yesterday was pretty tough too. I get so hungry in the night time, which is typically when I would have hit up a drive through or made a big snack. And I just miss food. I've never been a big sweets eater, I have always prefered salty foods, and I pretty much can't eat any of that now.

Like pizza. Yesterday they had a meeting at work and they ordered pizza. Salty, greasy, mouth watery pizza. I am proud to say I didn't have any but oh did my stomach growl at me as I drank my herbalife shake.

Also, I feel the need to say that eating unsalted almonds, while they are currently my favorite thing that I am eating, are a little like chewing on wood chips. Blah.

One thing though, I have a LOT more energy already. I went to the gym and did a really high intensity workout for like an hour. Usually that would make me feel like crap, but it was actually really refreshing! And I didn't even need a nap afterwards, which I usually do. Between not needing a nap, and quitting facebook, I actually had a lot of time to do a lot of fun things yesterday. I painted my nails, I did some reading, I organized my closet. It was a great day.

You know, aside from being starving.

It's important to focus on the positive though. My friends Jeff and Shayna are big believers in The Secret, and the power of positive thinking, and I'm slowly coming around to that too. I'm thankful for all the good things that happened yesterday. I need to do that more. To focus on the good things, and forget about the bad.

On an unrelated note, after I finish this blog, my friend Joe and I are driving to Boston so I can meet with the head of a recording studio to talk about producing an album. I'm always nervous about stuff like this, and usually I don't go for it. However it's not because of my musical abilities that I'm nervous.

It's because the music industry really doesn't favor fat white girls.

You can be heavier if you're from a different race. You can be heavier if you're a guy. But unless you're Adele (who is an awesome role model for plus size women, but let's not kid ourselves, she's a rarity) you pretty much can't be a white female singer and be bigger than a size 6. It just doesn't happen.

Which is tough, because I get so much anxiety about my size that it holds me back from doing a lot of things. I don't audition for the voice, or american idol, or x-factor, because I don't want people telling me I'm talented but just don't have "the right look" (translation: better luck next time, fatty mcbutterpants). I know I don't have the right look. I'm working on it. But for now how about you just listen to my voice, and my lyrics. Close your eyes if you have to, I don't care.

Anyway. I am swallowing all that down today though, because I really don't have anything to lose. The worst thing this guy can say is no, and if he does, I'll be okay. Because someone else down the line is going to say yes. (That's the power of positive thinking right there.)

One last note: Thanks to everyone for reading, posting, emailing, calling, and texting about this blog. It's nice to know people are out there reading, and it's even better to know that people are responding. I know this is something everyone goes through, and I'm so happy to hear stories from other people who are struggling, or who have come out on the other side, triumphant. This is already turning into a really great decision.

And for those of you keeping score at home:

Week 1: 158.5 (I weighed myself at the gym)

Breakfast: Aloe shot, formula one breakfast shake with protein powder, 8oz. skim milk, raspberry green tea, multivitamin, cell activator

Lunch: 1cup cheerios, 1 cup skim milk, 1 cup raspberries, multivitamin, raspberry green tea

Snack: 20 unsalted almonds, 1 cup blueberries

Dinner: Formula one shake, protein powder, 80z water, multivitamin, cell activator

Also: 9 80z. glasses of water

Excercise: 45 min cardio (elliptical, HR=160)
15 min. ab work out
30 min. weights/resistance training
30 min. walk with my client in the evening

BOOM.