037: Personal Trainers= sadists.

Well kids, today I met with my personal trainer.

I feel... well.... have any of you seen that episode of "How I Met Your Mother" where Barney Stinson runs in the New York Marathon without any preparation? I tried to find a clip of this on youtube, but could only find one dubbed in Italian or Spanish or something. Anyway. On a bet, Barney runs in the NYC marathon with no prep and actually finishes. Then later, he finds himself trapped on the subway when his legs don't work and he's sort of flailing around ridiculously trying to move his dead, tired legs. It's all very funny.

It's much less funny in real life however.

I can barely walk. I can barely move. I am currently writing this blog with a heating pad on my back hoping that this is gone in the morning, because I have shit to do. I legitimately contemplated crawling up the stairs to my apartment.  The only thing that stopped me was how disgusting and ghetto my apartment stairwell is. No telling what diseases I might catch from that shit.

Anyway, let me back up.

Today I finally got a chance to do a fitness assessment and 1/2 hour training session with a personal trainer at my gym. My trainer, Nick, looked visibly disappointed to see a fat person walking towards his desk this morning, but I think he truly perked up when I told him I go to the gym 5 days a week and have lost 30 lbs in 6 weeks. We talked a bit about my workout habits, my goals, and my diet, and then hit the gym.

Holy. Crap.

I know he meant well asking how I felt after every excercise, and how every excercise felt. But finally, I felt the need to tell him, when he asked how kettlebell lunges felt, "Hard! They are effing hard and they hurt!" Come on. As a trainer, you have to know that. He even went so far as to say that most people can't finish the first session, adn that he was really impressed that I could. And I mean, I did finish it. But I think my legs might actually shrivel up and break off, so I guess there was some compromises involved.

We did lunges and squats galore. We did a lot of ab work, including this one form of crunches where my legs are in teh air at a 90 degree angle and he puts weights on my calves before I do the crunches. I kid you not. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? What crazy sadistic asshole found himself thinking "let's stack weights on peoples shins and see if they can still do crunches. That would be a good idea."

People at the gym suck for thinking things like this. Personal trainers especially suck.

I really really hope I haven't seriously fucked up my back or legs. I need to keep working out to get in the best possible shape before this wedding that I'm going to be in on monday. That's when I will be taking pictures, for those of you who keep asking me when you'll get to see pictures. I still don't really see a huge difference, but people are starting to notice, so maybe you will too. I hope you will.  The camera does add 5 lbs, you know. My hopes are not super high. And again, thanks so much for continuing to read. The fact that anyone is reading this is seriously keeping me going and keeping me accountable on days when I want to quit. You guys rule.

Also, does anybody have any better remedies for pulled muscles in your back and legs than heat? I really want to get back out there tomorrow. And at the moment that does not seem like a possibility. Damn trainers.