Did you think I forgot to post?
Never! My schedule is, as I've said before, just a little wacko this week.
However, day one is done, I'm showered, I've got a salad, and in approximately 18 minutes I will get to enjoy How I Met Your Mother which is something I usually have to hulu because I miss it working til 9, and you know what?
It wasn't that bad.
Before you ask, I didn't go to the gym today. However, I did spend an hour walking to and from Cold spring park with the kids from my daycare, and spent my time there running around and playing catch. My legs hurt, so I must have gotten a great workout!
And I think that sticking to my diet will be a lot easier this week, since i ate a burger and fries and a slice of birthday cake at my dad's birthday party last night. I didn't even finish HALF of my dinner, and had like 3 bites of dessert. (which, a month ago, would have been super weird) and was violently ill. I haven't really eaten like that to that extent all month. My body reacted angrily, and I still feel a bit sickish. It's like my stomach is shrinking. And becoming more intolerant of crap food. What's more, I'm actually craving the healthy stuff. Whoda thunk? Today I came home jonesing for a nice... salad?
Who craves salad?
Am I losing my mind?
If I am, I kind of like it.
Hopefully the rest of this week will be this effortless. I have a feeling it won't be, but a girl can dream, right?
And for those of you keeping track:
Week 5: 237lbs
Breakfast: Oreo herbalife shake w/chocolate protein
Lunch: oreo herbalife shake
Dinner: garden salad and 150 calorie pizza
Snack one: 1 granola square and 1 plum
Snack 2: 1 peach, and 1 rice cake
And 3 multivitamins, 2 cell activators, and 6 8oz glasses of water
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
022: The susan powter of zumba classes, and recommitting.
Hey all! I was THIS close to not posting today. I'm rather out of it. I've got a migraine headache, cramps like you would not believe, and I'm effing exhausted.
How's that for honest?
To make matters worse, today has just been a really off day for me. I signed into facebook a week early! GASP! I had to check up on some stuff for my sister's bridal shower which is in two weeks, so I couldn't really wait any longer. I also cheated today. Despite today not being a cheat day.
I read a really interesting thing on my friend stacy's facebook. She said that her treat to herself for losing 35lbs was to get hello kitty floormats for her car. And someone commented that that was the right thing to do, and that celebrating by having a cheat day is like an alcoholic celebrating their victories with a few drinks.
And that's really true, you know? I think part of my backslide has to do with my coach TELLING me to cheat. And I think that having lost so much weight in such a short time has made me a little TOO comfortable, which has made me lax a little in my eating habits over the last four days. Which is no good. If you want results, you still have to do the work.
So no more cheat days from now til the wedding. cravings be DAMNED. I am taking this moment to re-commit to my diet once again. I know I do this a lot. But this is HARD. And it SUCKS. And so I have to re-focus myself a lot or I'm just going to say eff it and drop it all together.
120lbs in 12 months.
Scratch that.
100lbs in 11 months.
That's a pretty good edit to make. :)
OH! I also wanted to update you guys on Zumba. I went yesterday, and it was a completely different experience than Saturday. Saturday my heart rate was up and I wanted to die, but it was still a REALLY good class.
Monday just sucked.
I think I stumbled into the zumba doctorate class. Something where you need a masters in salsa hip shaking from juiliard to even keep up with the steps. It was so hard. I felt like I didn't even get a good workout because I was so busy trying to keep up with the steps. Futhermore I was literally the only woman in the class who wasn't a size 2, and I was the only woman who didn't know every single step of every single routine.
This instructor clearly doesn't mix up her songs very much. Or her choreography.
To make matters worse, the instructor, a susan powter on speed super peppy flight attendant of a woman with a neon pink leotard and one of those olivia newton john get physical sweatbands, was overly peppy and continually singled me out. Granted, she was doing it in a positive way ("YOU CAN DO IT!" "JUST KEEP TRYING, YOU'LL GET IT!") but I still wanted to deck her.
When I left the class, red faced and frustrated, she stopped me and gave me a thumbs up and an overenthusiastic "YOU DID A GREAT JOB!". I wanted to turn around and be like... are you fucking blind? I was stumbling around out there. I belong in the special olympics of zumba what the hell is WRONG with you! I didn't do a great job at all!
Her enthusiasm actually made me feel worse. Like, I needed all that extra encouragement and recognition because Im fat. Fuck you lady. I will be attending zumba on saturday mornings only, thank you very much.
So. I'm hitting the gym hard tomorrow. Back to my old routine of cardio/resistance/weights and super tightly sticking to my diet. I have 5 days essentially to undo the damage I've done over the last couple of days. Can I do it?
You bet your ass I'm going to try!
How's that for honest?
To make matters worse, today has just been a really off day for me. I signed into facebook a week early! GASP! I had to check up on some stuff for my sister's bridal shower which is in two weeks, so I couldn't really wait any longer. I also cheated today. Despite today not being a cheat day.
I read a really interesting thing on my friend stacy's facebook. She said that her treat to herself for losing 35lbs was to get hello kitty floormats for her car. And someone commented that that was the right thing to do, and that celebrating by having a cheat day is like an alcoholic celebrating their victories with a few drinks.
And that's really true, you know? I think part of my backslide has to do with my coach TELLING me to cheat. And I think that having lost so much weight in such a short time has made me a little TOO comfortable, which has made me lax a little in my eating habits over the last four days. Which is no good. If you want results, you still have to do the work.
So no more cheat days from now til the wedding. cravings be DAMNED. I am taking this moment to re-commit to my diet once again. I know I do this a lot. But this is HARD. And it SUCKS. And so I have to re-focus myself a lot or I'm just going to say eff it and drop it all together.
120lbs in 12 months.
Scratch that.
100lbs in 11 months.
That's a pretty good edit to make. :)
OH! I also wanted to update you guys on Zumba. I went yesterday, and it was a completely different experience than Saturday. Saturday my heart rate was up and I wanted to die, but it was still a REALLY good class.
Monday just sucked.
I think I stumbled into the zumba doctorate class. Something where you need a masters in salsa hip shaking from juiliard to even keep up with the steps. It was so hard. I felt like I didn't even get a good workout because I was so busy trying to keep up with the steps. Futhermore I was literally the only woman in the class who wasn't a size 2, and I was the only woman who didn't know every single step of every single routine.
This instructor clearly doesn't mix up her songs very much. Or her choreography.
To make matters worse, the instructor, a susan powter on speed super peppy flight attendant of a woman with a neon pink leotard and one of those olivia newton john get physical sweatbands, was overly peppy and continually singled me out. Granted, she was doing it in a positive way ("YOU CAN DO IT!" "JUST KEEP TRYING, YOU'LL GET IT!") but I still wanted to deck her.
When I left the class, red faced and frustrated, she stopped me and gave me a thumbs up and an overenthusiastic "YOU DID A GREAT JOB!". I wanted to turn around and be like... are you fucking blind? I was stumbling around out there. I belong in the special olympics of zumba what the hell is WRONG with you! I didn't do a great job at all!
Her enthusiasm actually made me feel worse. Like, I needed all that extra encouragement and recognition because Im fat. Fuck you lady. I will be attending zumba on saturday mornings only, thank you very much.
So. I'm hitting the gym hard tomorrow. Back to my old routine of cardio/resistance/weights and super tightly sticking to my diet. I have 5 days essentially to undo the damage I've done over the last couple of days. Can I do it?
You bet your ass I'm going to try!
Friday, April 6, 2012
019: Fat girls remorse
Jumping crocodiles, Batman! Two blog posts in one day! It's like... Christmas!
Really though, I just thought this morning's blog was a little sub-par, didn't you? And I have things to write about now, so I figured I could do it now rather than later when I've forgotten the point I want to make.
Today was kind of a big day in the world of this particularly curvy girl. Firstly, I got to go to work later than usual (9:30!). There's a big promotion taht I'm up for and I had a meeting for that. It looks pretty promising, but I've never been the type to get my hopes up unrealistically.
I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. About getting dizzy. About that stupid measly pound. About the fact that my weigh and measure is tomorrow and I haven't lost enough. I hate that I am obsessing over it this much, but it is really important to me that I keep this momentum going. I know if I don't I'm just going to back slide into twice a day drive throughs and drinking like a fish.
Anyway. I left my meeting and went to the daycare program that I manage. Lo and behold some WONDERFUL parent had left myself (and the rest of my staff) presents. Mine was a giant. chocolate. bunny. And some reese's peanut butter eggs. I was torn between thanking them and telling them to fuck off.
So I went about my super busy work day, constantly passing by that treasure trove of bad/delicious items. Keep in mind, I don't even particularly like candy. But when I do, it usually involves peanut butter.
So finally, I gave in. I had one- ONE- peanut butter egg and then gave the rest to the kids. They were souped and rode that sugar high for the rest of the day. Me? I had fat girls remorse. Especially since people saw me eat it.
What is fat girl's remorse, you ask? It is the way we eat things we know we aren't supposed to. Half the time we don't even enjoy it,, when in mixed company. It's the way we look up shamefully from our plates or candies or what have you when we catch someone looking at us eating in public. It's the way we actually hide what we eat or how much we eat from boyfriends, skinny friends, and casual aquaintances. People we know might judge us or think differently of us. And the thing is, skinny girls don't care. A skinny girl will not think twice of ripping into a bacon double cheeseburger and fries right in front of her significant other, and not care. Because chances are, he'll think it's cute that his lady can eat.
But only if she's skinny. That's the double standard right there.
Maybe I'm the only girl who feels this way, but I doubt it.
Anyway. After the peanut butter egg incident, I was really kicking myself. I had convinced myself that that one peanut butter egg was going to completely ruin my weigh in tomorrow. I was already plannning on skipping dinner and doing double time at the gym tonight and tomorrow before the weigh in. I went home feeling like crap. Even though for the FIRST TIME since I started this little healthy experiment someone noticed that I had lost weight. I still felt like crap. I couldn't focus on the positive. All I could focus on was that damn slip up.
And then I checked my mail.
And I recieved a really thoughtful little gift from miss Sarah S. (of the aforementioned http://twentyforty.wordpress.com ) . Sarah had apparently seen that I had been having a rough couple of days and sent me the cuuuuutest little gym tote for my keys, phone, headphones and what have you (a very thoughtful gift!). And it made me feel so much better. I am so glad I have friends who know what I am going through and who are, in some cases going through the same thing.It is good to hold each other up, because it's not easy, and people who haven't been through this will never know how hard it is.
So Sarah completely rebooted my bad mood. I cooked dinner! And, by the way, I made a great whole wheat english muffin pizza that REALLY hit the spot and is only 155 calories (even with the sauce and delicious cheeses on it!) and a spinach, cucumber, and romaine salad, into which I sprinkled a grilled chicken tenderloin that I seasoned with lemon and pepper. It was such a good dinner. I still think I am going to try to hit the gym tonight. WOW is 24 hours and I feel rejuvenated again.
I'm going to leave you with some insight that my friend Maggie posted not too long ago. She told me to focus on all that I have lost, and to keep my chin up. And I'm really trying. Some days are harder than others, but on those days I thank YOU GUYS for getting me through. Xxx
Really though, I just thought this morning's blog was a little sub-par, didn't you? And I have things to write about now, so I figured I could do it now rather than later when I've forgotten the point I want to make.
Today was kind of a big day in the world of this particularly curvy girl. Firstly, I got to go to work later than usual (9:30!). There's a big promotion taht I'm up for and I had a meeting for that. It looks pretty promising, but I've never been the type to get my hopes up unrealistically.
I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. About getting dizzy. About that stupid measly pound. About the fact that my weigh and measure is tomorrow and I haven't lost enough. I hate that I am obsessing over it this much, but it is really important to me that I keep this momentum going. I know if I don't I'm just going to back slide into twice a day drive throughs and drinking like a fish.
Anyway. I left my meeting and went to the daycare program that I manage. Lo and behold some WONDERFUL parent had left myself (and the rest of my staff) presents. Mine was a giant. chocolate. bunny. And some reese's peanut butter eggs. I was torn between thanking them and telling them to fuck off.
So I went about my super busy work day, constantly passing by that treasure trove of bad/delicious items. Keep in mind, I don't even particularly like candy. But when I do, it usually involves peanut butter.
So finally, I gave in. I had one- ONE- peanut butter egg and then gave the rest to the kids. They were souped and rode that sugar high for the rest of the day. Me? I had fat girls remorse. Especially since people saw me eat it.
What is fat girl's remorse, you ask? It is the way we eat things we know we aren't supposed to. Half the time we don't even enjoy it,, when in mixed company. It's the way we look up shamefully from our plates or candies or what have you when we catch someone looking at us eating in public. It's the way we actually hide what we eat or how much we eat from boyfriends, skinny friends, and casual aquaintances. People we know might judge us or think differently of us. And the thing is, skinny girls don't care. A skinny girl will not think twice of ripping into a bacon double cheeseburger and fries right in front of her significant other, and not care. Because chances are, he'll think it's cute that his lady can eat.
But only if she's skinny. That's the double standard right there.
Maybe I'm the only girl who feels this way, but I doubt it.
Anyway. After the peanut butter egg incident, I was really kicking myself. I had convinced myself that that one peanut butter egg was going to completely ruin my weigh in tomorrow. I was already plannning on skipping dinner and doing double time at the gym tonight and tomorrow before the weigh in. I went home feeling like crap. Even though for the FIRST TIME since I started this little healthy experiment someone noticed that I had lost weight. I still felt like crap. I couldn't focus on the positive. All I could focus on was that damn slip up.
And then I checked my mail.
And I recieved a really thoughtful little gift from miss Sarah S. (of the aforementioned http://twentyforty.wordpress.com ) . Sarah had apparently seen that I had been having a rough couple of days and sent me the cuuuuutest little gym tote for my keys, phone, headphones and what have you (a very thoughtful gift!). And it made me feel so much better. I am so glad I have friends who know what I am going through and who are, in some cases going through the same thing.It is good to hold each other up, because it's not easy, and people who haven't been through this will never know how hard it is.
So Sarah completely rebooted my bad mood. I cooked dinner! And, by the way, I made a great whole wheat english muffin pizza that REALLY hit the spot and is only 155 calories (even with the sauce and delicious cheeses on it!) and a spinach, cucumber, and romaine salad, into which I sprinkled a grilled chicken tenderloin that I seasoned with lemon and pepper. It was such a good dinner. I still think I am going to try to hit the gym tonight. WOW is 24 hours and I feel rejuvenated again.
I'm going to leave you with some insight that my friend Maggie posted not too long ago. She told me to focus on all that I have lost, and to keep my chin up. And I'm really trying. Some days are harder than others, but on those days I thank YOU GUYS for getting me through. Xxx
Monday, April 2, 2012
014: Happy Cheat Day!
So. Today was cheat day. I've decided not to post what I've eaten today, but suffice it to say that today's cheat day was lovely. It's good to indulge every now and again. Everything in moderation, right?
And tomorrow it will be back to the diet grind, refreshed and re-committed. Ready to hit the gym running (literally!).
Also, worth noting, is that my friend Ruth, whom I went to film school with, runs a UK group devoted to raising awareness about body image. I was actually in the bar with her talking about the very things I write about in this blog 6 years ago when she came up with this idea. Six years later I'm still writing and still struggling, and she's got this thing that's kind of a big deal in the UK. It can be found here: http://www.bodygossip.org
Aaaanyway, she read my blog and asked me to write something for their upcoming book. That's pretty exciting news. I think I'm going to write about that feeling a little like a sellout. Losing weight is a very conflicting experience, especially since at a certain point I think I deluded myself into thinking I owed it to myself not to lose weight (if that makes any sense). It's like, if I lose weight I am conforming to society's conventions of beauty and desirablility, because I think that's the only way to live. I think, in a lot of ways it's seemed kind of strangely brave. I admire women who can say "you know what, this is the size I am, I love it, and fuck you if you can't get on board with it." Part of me wanted to be that woman.
Part of me also wants to get married someday. Part of me also doesn't want to be a huge risk for diabetes and heart disease. So you see? It's conflicting.
Anyway. So that's where I'm at. Not much else to report today.
Is it totally sad and pathetic that I'm already considering what I will enjoy on my next "cheat day"?
And tomorrow it will be back to the diet grind, refreshed and re-committed. Ready to hit the gym running (literally!).
Also, worth noting, is that my friend Ruth, whom I went to film school with, runs a UK group devoted to raising awareness about body image. I was actually in the bar with her talking about the very things I write about in this blog 6 years ago when she came up with this idea. Six years later I'm still writing and still struggling, and she's got this thing that's kind of a big deal in the UK. It can be found here: http://www.bodygossip.org
Aaaanyway, she read my blog and asked me to write something for their upcoming book. That's pretty exciting news. I think I'm going to write about that feeling a little like a sellout. Losing weight is a very conflicting experience, especially since at a certain point I think I deluded myself into thinking I owed it to myself not to lose weight (if that makes any sense). It's like, if I lose weight I am conforming to society's conventions of beauty and desirablility, because I think that's the only way to live. I think, in a lot of ways it's seemed kind of strangely brave. I admire women who can say "you know what, this is the size I am, I love it, and fuck you if you can't get on board with it." Part of me wanted to be that woman.
Part of me also wants to get married someday. Part of me also doesn't want to be a huge risk for diabetes and heart disease. So you see? It's conflicting.
Anyway. So that's where I'm at. Not much else to report today.
Is it totally sad and pathetic that I'm already considering what I will enjoy on my next "cheat day"?
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