001: Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

So. Introductions are hard.

I figured I'd start this blog because I am starting a new chapter of my life. And in the world of internet/social networking narcissism, I figured it might be nice to preserve this experience and broadcast it out to the whole world. Because, of course, the whole world will find this immensely interesting.

I'm Jen. I'm 27. And I'm about 120 pounds overweight.

Wow, that's a shitty thing to say out loud. Or in print.

I've always been heavy. When I was younger I wanted to be really skinny, and then I decided "fuck that. I like myself. I'm healthy. The world needs to come around to my way of thinking instead of me changing for them." I embraced my size 12... and then my size 14.... and so on and so forth until 10 years later I can't lie to myself anymore.

I'm not healthy. And I don't like myself.

This self loathing has lead to lots of really bad habits. Those habits include: dating guys below my standards, or dating guys who treat me badly (because I've convinced myself that that's the best I can do) , eating badly/eating my feelings (yeah, I'm a stereotype. So are you.) and drinking. Lots and lots and lots of drinking. More drinking than most people know. I'm kind of secretive about how much I drink. Or when I drink. Because it's normal to have a few at a bar on a weekend when you're playing music (I play music- reverbnation.com/jennywhite ) but it's less socially acceptable to have some cocktails when it's, say, hypothetically, 11:30 in the morning on a tuesday while you watch reruns of How I Met Your Mother .

Anyway. Lots and lots of bad habits. Lots of self-deprecation, lots of selling myself short and figuring this is just how it's going to be.

I got my wake-up call this year. My sister, who is younger than me by the way, is getting married. And she has a kid. And while that would be humiliation enough, to lose that race, it would seem like everyone is suddenly matrimonily (is that word?) pairing off. It's like some game of musical chairs, or musical weddings, and I'm the one left without a place to sit. So yeah, I guess the biological/psychological clock is ticking, a little. I just feel like that's where I'm supposed to be. And aside from the weight and the bad habits, I'm pretty awesome. So I guess I decided it was time to change all that.

Because I don't want to die alone, and die young from all kinds of health complications, you know? I always used to joke about being some crazy celibate cat lady, but as I get older, it gets less funny. Plus, now I have a cat. It's time to stop that vicious cycle before it starts.

So I started going to the gym. A lot. I pretty much worked my body down to the point where I pretty much could barely move, but I wasn't really getting any results. Which sucked, because I mean now I am exhausted, sweaty, gross, and still fat. Not fair.

The thing is, it's REALLY hard to change your eating habits. Anyone who says it's easy is either full of shit, or has always had healthy eating habits. The fact of the matter is, unhealthy stuff just tastes better. And it always has. I've never been the type of person to willingly choose salad instead of pizza and seriously, who is? Anyone who says they crave salads is boldly lying right to your face.

Then my facebook friends, Marie and Samantha both started posting about how they were losing crazy amounts of weight on this thing called herbalife. So I figured why not try it? I've got nothing to lose. I got myself set up with my coach (Josh) and got all of my products yesterday. So I am starting it today.

Part of me thinks it's pretty much going to be awful.

But for the amount of money I've spent, and the amount that I've let myself go, I owe it to myself to give it my all. So I'm going to. 120 pounds in a year.

And I'm going to blog about it. Every day. Partly because I am also going to try and stop using facebook so much, and partly because I've got to do something other than snacking, right?

So here goes nothing.