010: Recommitting

Hello out there!

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support, as always. My last post got so much positive feedback, and a lot of amazing suggestions for overcoming cravings. Normally, what I do when I am craving something unhealthy is do something else for myself. I paint my nails, or put on a facial mask or take a bubble bath. Some other treat for myself and my body that makes me feel good and takes my mind off of whatever it is I'm craving. It was kind of impossible to do that yesterday though, being swamped with work.

I looked up some great healthy alternatives to pizza. Thanks for the suggestion, Maggie, but that "meatza" kind of grossed me out. It did get me thinking though, about alternatives. I think I'm going to try and make whole wheat english muffin pizzas as a treat sometime next week.

Oh, and Sarah- thanks for the shoutout in your blog , that was very cool. Your suggestion of talking to my cat about people I hate made me laugh out loud, as did your inference that there were roaches in pizza cheese. It was very sweet of you to reach out to me like that, and I really want to try your Kale Chip recipe. We should have a healthy eating night sometime soon. Like a little soiree.

So yesterday, despite all of your support, I did cheat just a little.

In the spirit of keeping positive, I did not have pizza. And I picked a snack that, while unhealthy, was a way way WAY smaller portion that I usually would have had. And you know what? It didn't even taste as good as I was expecting it to. It was kind of a disappointment all around. I'm not letting that get me off track though. I saw it as an opportunity to re-commit to this diet and to getting fit and getting the body that I want. Today is a new day. I went 10 days without veering off my diet even a little bit. This time I want to see if I can go 20.

Here's the thing though. If I'm in this for the long haul- not just a year but for healthy habits for life- I think I've got to realize that things like this are going to happen. Food addiction is the only thing I can't quit cold turkey. Because then people will accuse me of having an eating disorder. I've got to simply learn to accept these little moments, control them, and move on. I think it's unrealistic to say "I am never going to eat or drink anything unhealthy ever again", because you and I both know that's totally not going to last. At the very least, I have a couple of weddings coming up, and there will be eating and drinking at both of these that will probably be pretty unhealthy. But screw it. Those days are going to happen.

I just can't let those days define my entire experience. I can't say "well, I had french fries, I guess I'm done losing weight now. Bring on the pizza and booze!". Instead, I have to say "okay, this happened. Don't let it happen again for a while."

So yeah. I guess I'm not as unhappy with myself as I thought I was going to be after having that little indulgence. I think, in fact, that I needed it to stop thinking about junk food all the time and move on with this diet. And, you know, I debated not even writing about this, about hiding it from all of you out there. Because I felt like you would be more unhappy and disappointed in me than I was. But this is the truth of it. And when have you ever known me to shy away from the truth?

Week 2: 252 lbs
Breakfast: herbalife shake w/protein powder in milk. green tea.
snack 1: 20 unsalted almonds
Lunch: 1 cup cheerios in 1 cup skim milk. green tea. 1 small peach.
snack 2: 15 french fries (egads!)
Dinner: herbalife shake w/protein powder in water

also 6 80z glasses of water, 2 multivitamins, 1 aloe shot, and 1 cell activators