Hey out there! So first of all, let me deal with some housekeeping. On Thursday I stuck really closely to my diet. Yesterday I deviated a little more than I should have, considering it was the day before weigh in. I had 2 slices of pizza and a cupcake at a going away party (and they were carbalicious! Carbtastic! Carbnificent!) So I was a little apprehensive stepping on the scale this morning. But I still managed to lose 2 lbs this week. 2lbs is not only completely respectable, but it's my goal for weekly weight loss. Losing 10 lbs in a week every week is actually really not good for you. Not only is it not good for you, but your body can't ever really bounce back and stay tight that way. 2lbs is great. Perfect even.
Yesterday I auditioned for a play. I've done some theater before. I am really more of a singer than an actress, but I love musicals for that reason. A little background- I have only once played the leading lady. And that was in youth theater. And I played an old woman. In fact, I almost always either play an old woman, or a fat girl. I've been Jan in Grease, Mama in Bye Bye Birdie, Jacob Marley (in a clown suit actually designed to make me look fatter for laughs) in A Christmas Carol. Over time I have come to only audition for those roles, since I know that's all I'm going to get. Know thyself, right? But yesterday I felt good. I walked in with my head held high and asked to sing/read for the leading lady.
Auditions are always stressful, at least for me. This one was particularly stressful since some of the people there were particularly unfriendly. I wanted to grab one girl and be like "listen. We know you're talented. Get out of your own head and stop scowling at everyone, this is just for fun, honey. We all have day jobs." I don't understand how competitive people get about this stuff. Grown adults with lives outside of this. Come on, effing relax. We're all just here to have a good time.
Of course, there were 2 girls there that blew me out of the water, but hey, I was proud of myself for trying. And really, I figured I would just take any role. That is, of course, until the director asked me to sing for a specific part that is basically one big fat joke.
To say I was crushed is an understatement. I don't care about not being Nancy, but I'll be damned if after all this work I am going to get up on stage and have my size made fun of. I know it's just acting. I know it's just a character. But I'm not a professional actress, and those words still sting. This is regional theater. Nobody's getting paid, it should be fun. If I'm one big walking fat joke, I will not be enjoying myself. Not one bit.
After the auditions wrapped, I actually called the director, but he didn't pick up. I don't think I got the part of "the fat joke" either, since there was one lady, who, in my opinion, was hilarious and totally okay with making fun of herself, and should totally get the part. But if it is offered to me, I am goign to say no. I would literally rather not be in that show at all than be the chubby lovey dovey lady. I have, both on and off stage, been a fat joke for pretty much my whole life. And I will never, ever, be that again. Ever.
Anyway. End rant.
I am off to new york now. Nothing can cure the fat girl in musical theater blues like some best friend time in the big apple. And some jamba juice. Mmm.
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