066: Ciders and Setbacks and Loving who you are (no matter what)

Hey out there! I am determined to keep up with this, since blogging also helps me keep up with my routine.

(not that I kept up with my routine very well in the last three days- but once again I am getting ahead of myself)

So on Monday, all was good. I tried some tuna steak and didn't die, I worked out, I was on track. But of course, things like that never last.

Also on Monday morning, I had a child at my inclusion daycare center become violent and had to restrain him. Because we are short staffed, I was by myself and had to carry this child to the door soI could open it and tell the receptionist to call me some backup. This meant restraining/carrying the child in a way I normally would not have done so that I didn't hurt him in transport. I should also point out that this child, while only in 3rd grade is as tall as me, weighs easily over 100 lbs and is all muscle. He was also struggling to get out of the hold pretty hard.

In short, my arms got a fucking workout.

I didn't work my arms that night at the gym, did cardio, legs, and abs only.

But then when I woke up the next morning, my left arm felt funny. Like I had slept on it the wrong way. As the morning went on it got more tight and painful, to the point that by noon I had almost no range of motion in my left arm, and was in excruciating pain whenever I moved it at all. I'm pretty sure I have tendonitis in my left shoulder. Ice and Ibuprophen have become my best friends over the last few days.

But obviously I haven't worked out.

I stuck mostly to my diet plan over the last few days though, with a few notable exceptions. I had a work event on Wednesday, during which I was already planning on not sticking to my diet plan. My organization does family stye chicken dinners EXCLUSIVELY at alll events. I think this is a rhode island thing, since nobody else has ever seemed to know what this is. So I will tell you. Essentially it's big huge platters of salad (which always has dressing on it already. Dressing is gross. I don't eat vegetables with dressing. Gross gross gross.) pasta, chicken, and potatoes. Not exactly the healthiest dinner ever.

Then last night I was quite proud of myself for staying on track all day, but then in 90 minutes my day went to shit. I got in the stupidest car accident ever. The other driver was mean and old and mean. Then my keys to my apartment wouldn't work. So I found myself on the pizza and alcoholic cider train pretty damn fast. Stress eating  is a thing.

And today I am back on track. For now, anyway.

But I found a blogger that really got me thinking. A friend of  mine posted a link to TheMilitant Baker . She is essentially a chubby lady who is perfectly happy just the way she is. And that's great. I am happy for anyone who is happy the way they are, but it really is a tough concept for me to reconcile. I particularly had a tough time with her entry titled "What the fuck is no diet talk?" because she's basically saying everything I am doing is wrong.

Here's the thing. When I am on a diet, I am way more conscious of what I am putting in my mouth on a regular basis. Thus, I feel healthier, I have more energy, and I am slimmer. I don't think I am supposed to be a size 2, but I also definitely don't think I am supposed to be a size 22 either. There were some interesting points though. The MB (militant baker) talks a lot about intuitive eating, which is the idea of eating following no rules and allowing your body's desire to eat to govern what/when/how you eat. There's one problem with that. What if eating intuitively means you eat crap food whenever you want, and really little/nothing else? It just seems a little impossible, unless you already have healthy eating habits, which I don't. I'm certainly not denying myself having something that falls outside the category of nutritious ALL the time, but when you are used to saying yes to whatever, you need to deny yourself now and again, I think. You need to get yourself in the routine of making healthier choices, and then it will (hopefully?) BECOME routine. That being said, I've never quite gotten there, but I know it will happen. Eventually.

She also writes about how the media makes fat people hate themselves and isolates them from the mainstream to further perpetuate the need for diet products. Blah blah blah conspiracy theory conspiracy theory conspiracy theory.

But I feel like this lady is doing just as much a disservice as people who say you HAVE to lose weight. This girl almost makes it seem like there's something wrong with you if you want to get healthier, because you're buying into the big corporate government machine.  Dont lose weight! Stay fat! You have to love yourself no matter what!

Please note, I agree with loving yourself no matter what, but we should always be on a quest to be the best we can be, right? And if you FEEL like crap, why should you decide to stay fat? Because it's easier? To prove a political point? That's just as stupid as saying it's wrong to be fat in the first place.

I don't speak for all fat women everywhere, the way this woman claims to, but I speak for myself. I know that when I am heavier, I have no energy, I'm bummed out all the time, I feel sick more often, and I have no self confidence. This is what works for me. Exercising, eating more consciously, and trying to change my body to something that FEELS better. And if it looks better in a skirt, then that's the icing on the cake. And I do mean cake. Because a little junk food now and then never hurt anyone. :)

I mean, what do YOU think? Is there a point at which everyone is just supposed to say "fuck it", and embrace their size? Should everyone just eat intuitively when/what they want, all the time, no matter what? Am I wrong in thinking that I should be getting my ass to the gym and eating better? Or should we all love ourselves, but continue to work towards being the best possible version of ourselves, both for ourselves and others?

Sorry if this blog is a little rambly, I'm sort of in the weeds on this.

065: Trying New Things, Kicking Ass, Taking Names

Hey! So, yesterday was day two, and it was a really big test as to whether or not I can actually make this work. Yesterday my day started when my alarm went off at 5:45am. From that time until 8:30, when I returned to my boyfriend's house, I did not stop moving. I worked 3 different shifts at 2 different jobs, and in my free time (meaning the hour I had to myself between job 2 and second shift of job 1) I had to run a bunch of errands. Normally this would mean one thing: Next stop, drive thru city! But I made a point to plan out my meals (like I did today), and actually stuck to my plan, which was awesome. And I already am finding I am less tired, and have more energy when I'm eating better.

I even went to the gym after my 12 hour day, which I am especially proud of. Granted, I did a shorter, modified version of my full workout routine, but it was still totally worth it. Better than nothing, right? Usually I do the elliptical, but last night i did the treadmill. I haven't done the treadmill in a while, and using it raised some questions. More specifically, HOW THE HELL DO YOU RUN ON A TREADMILL? I see girls/guys doing this all the time, and I want to scream this question at them. I can walk pretty fast on the treadmill, and it''s comfortable. I want to add more speed, but I can't seem to get used to the rhythm of running on a treadmill. I always get this terrifying feeling that I am one misstep away from being on America's Funniest HomeVideos. Seriously. And yet, the girl next to me was happily jogging away like it was nothing. I want to jog! Maybe I will just stick to the elliptical. I can go as fast as I want that way.

So after the gym (and showering at the gym, which I've never done but managed to get ready in half the time it takes me at home), I went to my boyfriend's house, where he had decided to cook dinner. Because he is awesome.

Now those of you who actually know me will know that I am VERY picky. I stick to a handful of things and really don't eat anything beyond that. I know what I like, and I don't see the point of changing it.This can be tough, since pretty much all the things I like aren't all that healthy, so when I am trying to make healthy lifestyle changes, my choices are pretty limited. And one can only eat so many baby carrots and pieces of grilled chicken with spinach.

I always figured I didn't really like fish because it smelled so.... fishy. Why anyone would put canned tuna fish in their mouth when it smells the way it does still kind of baffles me. But my boyfriend is pretty persistent, so I figured I would finally try some fish that he was cooking. I was feeling good, and adventurous, and figured why not? Last night he made Ahi Tuna Steaks seasoned with lemon pepper. And they were awesome. I was fully prepared to NOT like them, but it was delicious, and not fishy at all. I could eat that on a regular basis, which is great, since the department of health recommends integrating fish twice a week as part of a healthy diet. Apparently fish is full of all kinds of healthy things that your body needs. Who knew! I may even try other fishes or fish recipes that don't taste too fishy. Any suggestions?

So now Ive made it through 2 days. My muscles hurt, but aside from that I'm feeling REALLY good.

Week 1- Day 2
Breakfast- protein shake (6:30am)
Snack- 20 unsalted almonds (9:30am)
Snack 2- Banana (12:30pm)
Lunch-  Protein Shake (1:30pm)
Snack 3- 3 cups smartpop (4pm)
Dinner- Ahi tuna steak and green beans

Plus- 3 Liters of water, multivitamin, and b12 supplement

Gym: 35 minutes on treadmill, 10 reps of 10 crunches

064: Don't call it a comeback.

So. I've decided I need to get back to doing this every day, among other things. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start 9 months ago, back at my last blog.

Around that time I met my boyfriend, and things have been amazing. My work life has been pretty fulfilling, I've been gigging fairly regularly, and I've been dating the same guy ever since. I couldn't be happier. So obviously, cue the weight gain!

There's a lot of factors that led me here. I cut my hours at my second job when I started dating someone, so I couldn't afford herbalife anymore. I have since found that that was a blessing in disguise, as my body still doesnt really digest things normally anymore. Also, I did a lot more research into herbalife and found out that it had been linked to so many health problems. I guess all that easy weight loss came with a price that I don't think I will ever pay again.

HOLIDAY WEIGHT IS A THING.

Then there was the holidays. And we all know holiday weight gain is a thing. I researched this. Various media sources have put the average at 5 pounds during november and december, with many citing that a lot of people gain 7-10 pounds during the holidays.

I gained 12.

RELATIONSHIP WEIGHT IS A THING.

So in January, I said I was going to get back on track. But I didn't, really. It didn't last, for a myriad of reasons. The first being that I didn't have this blog to hold me accountable every day. The second was that it is REALLY hard to get up and go to the gym, especially on the weekends, when you've got someone to snuggle with instead. Relationship weight is a THING. Especially in a happy relationship. When you go out, you eat. And when the other person eats what they want, it seems more acceptable to order what you want. Suddenly you've got this person who loves you just the way you are, which makes it really hard to motivate yourself to change at all. It's a good feeling, a really good feeling, but then you turn around and you're 24 pounds heavier than you were in September, and you're back to hating the way clothes fit and the way you look in pictures (eek!).

But worse than that, I FEEL like crap. I am sluggish, I have no energy, my stomach is constantly turning. I'm winded where I wasn't winded before- I mean, it's nothing like it was last March when I started herbalife. I can climb a hill or a flight of stairs without feeling like I might die. But it's a slippery slope, and I know if I don't do something, that is where I am headed again.

And I'm not EVER going back there again.

So I'm back to blogging, back to the gym, back to eating healthy. My parents and a few friends have had a LOT of success with weightwatchers, but I really don't think that will work for me. Too many choices. And when I am faced with a choice, I tend to make the wrong one? I mean, really, between salad and pizza, who really WANTS to choose salad? All those skinny bitches are just choosing it to be snooty. I'm set with that.

I'm doing slimfast shakes. A shake diet just really works better for me because of my busy lifestyle. If I have stuff to make shakes in my car all the time, I really don't have an excuse to eat something else. 6 days a week, this is  just what I'm going to do. It's super regimented, and will not last forever, but it will work for now. In the meantime, I'm also giving up drinking alcohol (helloooooo delicious cidery liquid calories), and we (my boyfriend and I) are going to start cooking more at home, and eating healthier. Because  if there's one thing I'm really sure of, it's that when you're dating someone, you need to be on the same page. And he's at a point where he wants to get in better shape too, so it should be easier for us to support each other, right?

Diet Day One: Going to the Carnival wasn't a smart idea.

 So I started yesterday. Yesterday was the first day of back to basics. And I did pretty well. There are a lot of manageable, easy things that help this transition. I drank way more than the recommended 8 8oz glasses of water, which kept me from feeling hungry all day. I stuck to the 3-2-1 plan pretty solidly too. the 3-2-1 is: three snacks, 2 shakes, 1 meal. More on that later. But yeah I didn't feel hungry all day. I did have a del's though. And a couple of bites of my boyfriend's doughboy at the carnival. Really, going to the carnival on day one of a diet may be the stupidest thing I have ever done. Any place that serves deep fried oreos probably isn't known for its healthy snack choices. 

Back to the Gym, Day One: Feel the burn!

Also, I went back to the gym yesterday. I did 40 minutes of cardio on the eliptical, and then 240 reps of leg excercises, 250 crunches, and 60 reps of arm excercises with weights. My friend Ian is actually a certified personal trainer, and he suggests that for toning/weight loss you need less weight, more reps. He recommends at LEAST once circuit of 12 reps of 10. That said, even when I worked out EVERY DAY I couldn't do 12 reps of 10 on my arms. I'm just kind of a weakling. But you do what you can, and really I managed to stick to my old routine pretty closely, with the exception of cutting 5 minutes off the end of my cardio. TIP: You really need to do at least 45 minutes of cardio focused on keeping your heart rate up for it to be beneficial. Then your body continues to burn at a higher rate for the rest of the day. So I was close. Today I will do it. End Result: I felt a little like death, but I hit the sauna afterwards and did some stretching in the heat, which really helps keep my muscles from completely freezing up and hurting. I am definitely going to be able to hit the gym again today. My friends who go to the gym: What do you do at the gym? How often do you go? I'm looking to change up my old routine. Also, I have unlimited free guest passes at my  gym if you want to work out, let me know! This sort of thing is always better with friends! 

The biggest challenge I'm facing is that my schedule is much more erratic than it was last year. There's something to be said for starting a diet and excercise regimen when you are single and hating your life. You can really just focus on work and working out and nothing else. Now my work schedule is all over the place so I can't necessarily always work out during the day, and I don't want to work out during too many nights, since I've got something worth going home to now. I do want to try to go to the gym at LEAST 5 days a week though, maybe 6. When do you work out? Morning? Night? 

So, to recap:

Day one 

Breakfast: Shake (10:30am)

Snack 1: Orange (11am)

Snack 2: Granola Bar (after the gym at 1:30pm)
Lunch: Grilled chicken and spinach, no dressing (2:45pm)
Del's Lemonade (4pm)
Dinner: Shake (5:15pm)
Snack 3: 3cups of smartpopcorn (5:30pm)

Plus: a daily multivitamin, a B12 supplement, and a shit ton of water. Approximately a shit ton.

Plus 2 hours at the gym. BOOM.

Now the real test will be if I post tomorrow. Let's all keep our collective fingers crossed, mmmkay?