066: Ciders and Setbacks and Loving who you are (no matter what)

Hey out there! I am determined to keep up with this, since blogging also helps me keep up with my routine.

(not that I kept up with my routine very well in the last three days- but once again I am getting ahead of myself)

So on Monday, all was good. I tried some tuna steak and didn't die, I worked out, I was on track. But of course, things like that never last.

Also on Monday morning, I had a child at my inclusion daycare center become violent and had to restrain him. Because we are short staffed, I was by myself and had to carry this child to the door soI could open it and tell the receptionist to call me some backup. This meant restraining/carrying the child in a way I normally would not have done so that I didn't hurt him in transport. I should also point out that this child, while only in 3rd grade is as tall as me, weighs easily over 100 lbs and is all muscle. He was also struggling to get out of the hold pretty hard.

In short, my arms got a fucking workout.

I didn't work my arms that night at the gym, did cardio, legs, and abs only.

But then when I woke up the next morning, my left arm felt funny. Like I had slept on it the wrong way. As the morning went on it got more tight and painful, to the point that by noon I had almost no range of motion in my left arm, and was in excruciating pain whenever I moved it at all. I'm pretty sure I have tendonitis in my left shoulder. Ice and Ibuprophen have become my best friends over the last few days.

But obviously I haven't worked out.

I stuck mostly to my diet plan over the last few days though, with a few notable exceptions. I had a work event on Wednesday, during which I was already planning on not sticking to my diet plan. My organization does family stye chicken dinners EXCLUSIVELY at alll events. I think this is a rhode island thing, since nobody else has ever seemed to know what this is. So I will tell you. Essentially it's big huge platters of salad (which always has dressing on it already. Dressing is gross. I don't eat vegetables with dressing. Gross gross gross.) pasta, chicken, and potatoes. Not exactly the healthiest dinner ever.

Then last night I was quite proud of myself for staying on track all day, but then in 90 minutes my day went to shit. I got in the stupidest car accident ever. The other driver was mean and old and mean. Then my keys to my apartment wouldn't work. So I found myself on the pizza and alcoholic cider train pretty damn fast. Stress eating  is a thing.

And today I am back on track. For now, anyway.

But I found a blogger that really got me thinking. A friend of  mine posted a link to TheMilitant Baker . She is essentially a chubby lady who is perfectly happy just the way she is. And that's great. I am happy for anyone who is happy the way they are, but it really is a tough concept for me to reconcile. I particularly had a tough time with her entry titled "What the fuck is no diet talk?" because she's basically saying everything I am doing is wrong.

Here's the thing. When I am on a diet, I am way more conscious of what I am putting in my mouth on a regular basis. Thus, I feel healthier, I have more energy, and I am slimmer. I don't think I am supposed to be a size 2, but I also definitely don't think I am supposed to be a size 22 either. There were some interesting points though. The MB (militant baker) talks a lot about intuitive eating, which is the idea of eating following no rules and allowing your body's desire to eat to govern what/when/how you eat. There's one problem with that. What if eating intuitively means you eat crap food whenever you want, and really little/nothing else? It just seems a little impossible, unless you already have healthy eating habits, which I don't. I'm certainly not denying myself having something that falls outside the category of nutritious ALL the time, but when you are used to saying yes to whatever, you need to deny yourself now and again, I think. You need to get yourself in the routine of making healthier choices, and then it will (hopefully?) BECOME routine. That being said, I've never quite gotten there, but I know it will happen. Eventually.

She also writes about how the media makes fat people hate themselves and isolates them from the mainstream to further perpetuate the need for diet products. Blah blah blah conspiracy theory conspiracy theory conspiracy theory.

But I feel like this lady is doing just as much a disservice as people who say you HAVE to lose weight. This girl almost makes it seem like there's something wrong with you if you want to get healthier, because you're buying into the big corporate government machine.  Dont lose weight! Stay fat! You have to love yourself no matter what!

Please note, I agree with loving yourself no matter what, but we should always be on a quest to be the best we can be, right? And if you FEEL like crap, why should you decide to stay fat? Because it's easier? To prove a political point? That's just as stupid as saying it's wrong to be fat in the first place.

I don't speak for all fat women everywhere, the way this woman claims to, but I speak for myself. I know that when I am heavier, I have no energy, I'm bummed out all the time, I feel sick more often, and I have no self confidence. This is what works for me. Exercising, eating more consciously, and trying to change my body to something that FEELS better. And if it looks better in a skirt, then that's the icing on the cake. And I do mean cake. Because a little junk food now and then never hurt anyone. :)

I mean, what do YOU think? Is there a point at which everyone is just supposed to say "fuck it", and embrace their size? Should everyone just eat intuitively when/what they want, all the time, no matter what? Am I wrong in thinking that I should be getting my ass to the gym and eating better? Or should we all love ourselves, but continue to work towards being the best possible version of ourselves, both for ourselves and others?

Sorry if this blog is a little rambly, I'm sort of in the weeds on this.