Hello out there!
First of all, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support, as always. My last post got so much positive feedback, and a lot of amazing suggestions for overcoming cravings. Normally, what I do when I am craving something unhealthy is do something else for myself. I paint my nails, or put on a facial mask or take a bubble bath. Some other treat for myself and my body that makes me feel good and takes my mind off of whatever it is I'm craving. It was kind of impossible to do that yesterday though, being swamped with work.
I looked up some great healthy alternatives to pizza. Thanks for the suggestion, Maggie, but that "meatza" kind of grossed me out. It did get me thinking though, about alternatives. I think I'm going to try and make whole wheat english muffin pizzas as a treat sometime next week.
Oh, and Sarah- thanks for the shoutout in your blog , that was very cool. Your suggestion of talking to my cat about people I hate made me laugh out loud, as did your inference that there were roaches in pizza cheese. It was very sweet of you to reach out to me like that, and I really want to try your Kale Chip recipe. We should have a healthy eating night sometime soon. Like a little soiree.
So yesterday, despite all of your support, I did cheat just a little.
In the spirit of keeping positive, I did not have pizza. And I picked a snack that, while unhealthy, was a way way WAY smaller portion that I usually would have had. And you know what? It didn't even taste as good as I was expecting it to. It was kind of a disappointment all around. I'm not letting that get me off track though. I saw it as an opportunity to re-commit to this diet and to getting fit and getting the body that I want. Today is a new day. I went 10 days without veering off my diet even a little bit. This time I want to see if I can go 20.
Here's the thing though. If I'm in this for the long haul- not just a year but for healthy habits for life- I think I've got to realize that things like this are going to happen. Food addiction is the only thing I can't quit cold turkey. Because then people will accuse me of having an eating disorder. I've got to simply learn to accept these little moments, control them, and move on. I think it's unrealistic to say "I am never going to eat or drink anything unhealthy ever again", because you and I both know that's totally not going to last. At the very least, I have a couple of weddings coming up, and there will be eating and drinking at both of these that will probably be pretty unhealthy. But screw it. Those days are going to happen.
I just can't let those days define my entire experience. I can't say "well, I had french fries, I guess I'm done losing weight now. Bring on the pizza and booze!". Instead, I have to say "okay, this happened. Don't let it happen again for a while."
So yeah. I guess I'm not as unhappy with myself as I thought I was going to be after having that little indulgence. I think, in fact, that I needed it to stop thinking about junk food all the time and move on with this diet. And, you know, I debated not even writing about this, about hiding it from all of you out there. Because I felt like you would be more unhappy and disappointed in me than I was. But this is the truth of it. And when have you ever known me to shy away from the truth?
Week 2: 252 lbs
Breakfast: herbalife shake w/protein powder in milk. green tea.
snack 1: 20 unsalted almonds
Lunch: 1 cup cheerios in 1 cup skim milk. green tea. 1 small peach.
snack 2: 15 french fries (egads!)
Dinner: herbalife shake w/protein powder in water
also 6 80z glasses of water, 2 multivitamins, 1 aloe shot, and 1 cell activators
Showing posts with label the secret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the secret. Show all posts
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
006: Why I eat.
Yesterday was great. I actually cooked dinner, since I had time after work and the gym. (see below). I was pretty excited to learn that whole wheat pasta tastes almost as good as regular pasta, and organic low sodium tomato sauce actually tastes better than the sauce I was using before. Score one for healthy choices.
Yesterday I kept pretty busy. After work I went to the gym, then I came home and did some pampering stuff, watched a movie while knitting, and then made dinner and went out to babysit my adoooorable nephew. Lots of sesame street and making funny noises. It was a pretty rock star Saturday night.
But I think it's important to
a)keep busy this month
and
b) not go out this month
Since I eat when I'm bored, and I drink when I'm bored. And since I am only just realizing now that most social rituals involve food. You go to the movies, you get popcorn. You go to a bar, you drink. You go out for dinner/brunch/coffee. You go to a ball game, you get a hot dog. And since I'm kind of incapable of just saying no right now, I've got to just sort of dedicate myself to the life of a hermit for a few weeks, detox, and then re-approach this rituals with a new outlook on food.
The other reason I eat is emotional. I eat when I'm stressed out, or sad, or upset. And yesterday afternoon I really wanted to eat. I won't go into details, I will just say that it's really hard when you have family members who blatently don't give a shit about you, except for when they are shaking your confidence. (And nobody can shake your confidence like your family). It's especially hard when you are continually trying to have a relationship with these people, and they just keep shutting you down. It's a little like repeatedly running into a brick wall. Except the brick wall is mean. And you can't walk away from the brick wall, because it's your family.
Everybody has people like this in their life. People you love who, whether they know it or not, hurt you on a regular basis. I don't think she does it on purpose, I think it's just the way she is. And it sucks because of course, I am so desperate for her approval that I keep coming back and basically asking for it.
So what do you do in that situation? I think it's important to cut negative energy and negative people out of your life. If someone doesn't appreciate you, you should pretty much tell them to kick rocks. Bye bye boyfriend, and if it's a friend then they're not friend at all. Peace out.
But how do you do that when you're related to the person?
For now, I think I'll just try to keep a polite distance. She doesn't like it when I call anyway. It'll be easy.
BUT! Focusing on the positive (my the secret friends will totally appreciate that), thank YOU for all your support and comments. I am so appreciative of all of it. It's amazing to know that anybody is reading this, and even more amazing that anybody is getting anything out of it. You guys are incredible, and just like some of you said that my words are inspiring, your words are keeping me going, writing this and losing all this weight is not easy! So thanks Shay, Jeff, Maggie, Marie, Becky, Jamie, Mom, and whoever else is checking in on this blog from time to time.
Today my coach is having a "shake party" to try some different flavors. I'm pretty psyched to try some new flavors. Not that chocolate and vanilla aren't doing it for me, but variety is the spice of life. And it's also going to keep me from throwing these shakes out the window and quitting in months to come.
Week 1: 255.5 lbs
Breakfast: shake w/protein powder in skim milk, green tea
Lunch: shake w/protein powder in water, green tea
snack 1: 100 calorie bag of popcorn
snack 2: 20 unsalted almonds and 1 small plum
Dinner: 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta, 2 fat free organic grilled chicken tenderloins with lemon and pepper, 1 small cucumber, sliced, 1/8 cup organic tomato sauce, lemon water (biggest meal I had all week and it was DELCIOUS)
Also: 6 8oz. glasses of water, 3 multivitamins, 2 cell activators, 1 b12 supplement
Yesterday I kept pretty busy. After work I went to the gym, then I came home and did some pampering stuff, watched a movie while knitting, and then made dinner and went out to babysit my adoooorable nephew. Lots of sesame street and making funny noises. It was a pretty rock star Saturday night.
But I think it's important to
a)keep busy this month
and
b) not go out this month
Since I eat when I'm bored, and I drink when I'm bored. And since I am only just realizing now that most social rituals involve food. You go to the movies, you get popcorn. You go to a bar, you drink. You go out for dinner/brunch/coffee. You go to a ball game, you get a hot dog. And since I'm kind of incapable of just saying no right now, I've got to just sort of dedicate myself to the life of a hermit for a few weeks, detox, and then re-approach this rituals with a new outlook on food.
The other reason I eat is emotional. I eat when I'm stressed out, or sad, or upset. And yesterday afternoon I really wanted to eat. I won't go into details, I will just say that it's really hard when you have family members who blatently don't give a shit about you, except for when they are shaking your confidence. (And nobody can shake your confidence like your family). It's especially hard when you are continually trying to have a relationship with these people, and they just keep shutting you down. It's a little like repeatedly running into a brick wall. Except the brick wall is mean. And you can't walk away from the brick wall, because it's your family.
Everybody has people like this in their life. People you love who, whether they know it or not, hurt you on a regular basis. I don't think she does it on purpose, I think it's just the way she is. And it sucks because of course, I am so desperate for her approval that I keep coming back and basically asking for it.
So what do you do in that situation? I think it's important to cut negative energy and negative people out of your life. If someone doesn't appreciate you, you should pretty much tell them to kick rocks. Bye bye boyfriend, and if it's a friend then they're not friend at all. Peace out.
But how do you do that when you're related to the person?
For now, I think I'll just try to keep a polite distance. She doesn't like it when I call anyway. It'll be easy.
BUT! Focusing on the positive (my the secret friends will totally appreciate that), thank YOU for all your support and comments. I am so appreciative of all of it. It's amazing to know that anybody is reading this, and even more amazing that anybody is getting anything out of it. You guys are incredible, and just like some of you said that my words are inspiring, your words are keeping me going, writing this and losing all this weight is not easy! So thanks Shay, Jeff, Maggie, Marie, Becky, Jamie, Mom, and whoever else is checking in on this blog from time to time.
Today my coach is having a "shake party" to try some different flavors. I'm pretty psyched to try some new flavors. Not that chocolate and vanilla aren't doing it for me, but variety is the spice of life. And it's also going to keep me from throwing these shakes out the window and quitting in months to come.
Week 1: 255.5 lbs
Breakfast: shake w/protein powder in skim milk, green tea
Lunch: shake w/protein powder in water, green tea
snack 1: 100 calorie bag of popcorn
snack 2: 20 unsalted almonds and 1 small plum
Dinner: 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta, 2 fat free organic grilled chicken tenderloins with lemon and pepper, 1 small cucumber, sliced, 1/8 cup organic tomato sauce, lemon water (biggest meal I had all week and it was DELCIOUS)
Also: 6 8oz. glasses of water, 3 multivitamins, 2 cell activators, 1 b12 supplement
Thursday, March 22, 2012
003: like chewing on wood chips.
Well, I know I said the first day was probably the toughest. But I was wrong. Yesterday was pretty tough too. I get so hungry in the night time, which is typically when I would have hit up a drive through or made a big snack. And I just miss food. I've never been a big sweets eater, I have always prefered salty foods, and I pretty much can't eat any of that now.
Like pizza. Yesterday they had a meeting at work and they ordered pizza. Salty, greasy, mouth watery pizza. I am proud to say I didn't have any but oh did my stomach growl at me as I drank my herbalife shake.
Also, I feel the need to say that eating unsalted almonds, while they are currently my favorite thing that I am eating, are a little like chewing on wood chips. Blah.
One thing though, I have a LOT more energy already. I went to the gym and did a really high intensity workout for like an hour. Usually that would make me feel like crap, but it was actually really refreshing! And I didn't even need a nap afterwards, which I usually do. Between not needing a nap, and quitting facebook, I actually had a lot of time to do a lot of fun things yesterday. I painted my nails, I did some reading, I organized my closet. It was a great day.
You know, aside from being starving.
It's important to focus on the positive though. My friends Jeff and Shayna are big believers in The Secret, and the power of positive thinking, and I'm slowly coming around to that too. I'm thankful for all the good things that happened yesterday. I need to do that more. To focus on the good things, and forget about the bad.
On an unrelated note, after I finish this blog, my friend Joe and I are driving to Boston so I can meet with the head of a recording studio to talk about producing an album. I'm always nervous about stuff like this, and usually I don't go for it. However it's not because of my musical abilities that I'm nervous.
It's because the music industry really doesn't favor fat white girls.
You can be heavier if you're from a different race. You can be heavier if you're a guy. But unless you're Adele (who is an awesome role model for plus size women, but let's not kid ourselves, she's a rarity) you pretty much can't be a white female singer and be bigger than a size 6. It just doesn't happen.
Which is tough, because I get so much anxiety about my size that it holds me back from doing a lot of things. I don't audition for the voice, or american idol, or x-factor, because I don't want people telling me I'm talented but just don't have "the right look" (translation: better luck next time, fatty mcbutterpants). I know I don't have the right look. I'm working on it. But for now how about you just listen to my voice, and my lyrics. Close your eyes if you have to, I don't care.
Anyway. I am swallowing all that down today though, because I really don't have anything to lose. The worst thing this guy can say is no, and if he does, I'll be okay. Because someone else down the line is going to say yes. (That's the power of positive thinking right there.)
One last note: Thanks to everyone for reading, posting, emailing, calling, and texting about this blog. It's nice to know people are out there reading, and it's even better to know that people are responding. I know this is something everyone goes through, and I'm so happy to hear stories from other people who are struggling, or who have come out on the other side, triumphant. This is already turning into a really great decision.
And for those of you keeping score at home:
Week 1: 158.5 (I weighed myself at the gym)
Breakfast: Aloe shot, formula one breakfast shake with protein powder, 8oz. skim milk, raspberry green tea, multivitamin, cell activator
Lunch: 1cup cheerios, 1 cup skim milk, 1 cup raspberries, multivitamin, raspberry green tea
Snack: 20 unsalted almonds, 1 cup blueberries
Dinner: Formula one shake, protein powder, 80z water, multivitamin, cell activator
Also: 9 80z. glasses of water
Excercise: 45 min cardio (elliptical, HR=160)
15 min. ab work out
30 min. weights/resistance training
30 min. walk with my client in the evening
BOOM.
Like pizza. Yesterday they had a meeting at work and they ordered pizza. Salty, greasy, mouth watery pizza. I am proud to say I didn't have any but oh did my stomach growl at me as I drank my herbalife shake.
Also, I feel the need to say that eating unsalted almonds, while they are currently my favorite thing that I am eating, are a little like chewing on wood chips. Blah.
One thing though, I have a LOT more energy already. I went to the gym and did a really high intensity workout for like an hour. Usually that would make me feel like crap, but it was actually really refreshing! And I didn't even need a nap afterwards, which I usually do. Between not needing a nap, and quitting facebook, I actually had a lot of time to do a lot of fun things yesterday. I painted my nails, I did some reading, I organized my closet. It was a great day.
You know, aside from being starving.
It's important to focus on the positive though. My friends Jeff and Shayna are big believers in The Secret, and the power of positive thinking, and I'm slowly coming around to that too. I'm thankful for all the good things that happened yesterday. I need to do that more. To focus on the good things, and forget about the bad.
On an unrelated note, after I finish this blog, my friend Joe and I are driving to Boston so I can meet with the head of a recording studio to talk about producing an album. I'm always nervous about stuff like this, and usually I don't go for it. However it's not because of my musical abilities that I'm nervous.
It's because the music industry really doesn't favor fat white girls.
You can be heavier if you're from a different race. You can be heavier if you're a guy. But unless you're Adele (who is an awesome role model for plus size women, but let's not kid ourselves, she's a rarity) you pretty much can't be a white female singer and be bigger than a size 6. It just doesn't happen.
Which is tough, because I get so much anxiety about my size that it holds me back from doing a lot of things. I don't audition for the voice, or american idol, or x-factor, because I don't want people telling me I'm talented but just don't have "the right look" (translation: better luck next time, fatty mcbutterpants). I know I don't have the right look. I'm working on it. But for now how about you just listen to my voice, and my lyrics. Close your eyes if you have to, I don't care.
Anyway. I am swallowing all that down today though, because I really don't have anything to lose. The worst thing this guy can say is no, and if he does, I'll be okay. Because someone else down the line is going to say yes. (That's the power of positive thinking right there.)
One last note: Thanks to everyone for reading, posting, emailing, calling, and texting about this blog. It's nice to know people are out there reading, and it's even better to know that people are responding. I know this is something everyone goes through, and I'm so happy to hear stories from other people who are struggling, or who have come out on the other side, triumphant. This is already turning into a really great decision.
And for those of you keeping score at home:
Week 1: 158.5 (I weighed myself at the gym)
Breakfast: Aloe shot, formula one breakfast shake with protein powder, 8oz. skim milk, raspberry green tea, multivitamin, cell activator
Lunch: 1cup cheerios, 1 cup skim milk, 1 cup raspberries, multivitamin, raspberry green tea
Snack: 20 unsalted almonds, 1 cup blueberries
Dinner: Formula one shake, protein powder, 80z water, multivitamin, cell activator
Also: 9 80z. glasses of water
Excercise: 45 min cardio (elliptical, HR=160)
15 min. ab work out
30 min. weights/resistance training
30 min. walk with my client in the evening
BOOM.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)