024: Love is all you need.

So. I was originally going to post a really cranky blog today about sizeism and how it's unfair that it's easier for guys to lose weight because their reproductive hormones don't mess with their metabolism and they aren't crippled with body rocking cramps 2 days a month that renders them physically incapable of working out.

But then a funny thing happened.

I've been getting all this love from my readers, and it just made me not so cranky anymore. It's really hard to be cranky when you are getting such positive support from people!

I saved that size-ist cranky ass blog, and will totally post it later, as I think size-ism and weight-ism are genuine forms of bigotry that need to be stopped, but for now, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the facebook comments, notes, and the notes here on the blog. It's very cool that you guys are getting something out of it.

And, I'll be honest, a little scary. It sort of makes me realize how many people will notice if I fuck this up. Which I really hope is something I'm not going to do. It gives me that much more accountability and turns up the pressure a little. (Granted that this is more pressure that I am putting on myself than anything else) but still.

I think it's a good thing. This week has felt a little make or break. I am kind of dreading weigh in on Sunday. I know the gym is going to be a problem all week long. And next week too, since I'm working 11 hour days (6:30am-5:30pm). I'm just going to have to stick to the diet really closely and hope for the best. By the best I mean I just hope I didn't gain any weight this week. I almost expect not to lose. I havent worked out. I've cheated. I'm hoping I don't feel abismal soon so I can get back into the swing of things, but it may not be enough time before my weigh in. I'm really trying to stay positive though. I mean, I can't expect to lose 7 pounds every single week. That would be nuts. That would be 120lbs in less than 6 months. My body would not be pleased.

Oh and speaking of that diet, thanks for all the great recipes you guys keep sending! That is maybe my favorite part of this adventure is learning to cook and trying new things. I am literally re-teaching myself how to eat, so it's been really cool to get some suggestions to try out. My friend sarah (of the 20/40 project ) and I are having a healthy foods and board games night coming up soon. I am definitely making my superfit 150 calorie pizza, and I think I'm going to try some of your other recipes too. Keep them coming!

Big things next week. Bridesmaid dress fitting on monday. Zumba on saturday and monday. And maybe going with my friend who belongs to OA to a meeting, just to see what it's like. I feel a little silly going to overeater's anonymous, but he was really adamant about me seeing what it's all about. I'm not saying people cannot be addicted to food, I'm just saying that it feels like such a ridiculous thing to be addicted to. Embarassing, maybe, to think that I could be one of those people. But hey, I am in a phase of my life where I will try anything once, right?

For those of you keeping score, I'mg etting back on the daily menus, so here goes:

Week 4: 240lbs (-20lbs)
Breakfast: herbalife cookies n cream shake w/chocolate protein powder
Lunch: 150 calorie whole wheat pizza, spinach/romaine/cucumber salad
Snack1: peach
Snack 2: 100 calorie smart pop popcorn
Dinner: herbalife cookies n cream shake (no protein powder)
Also 2 multivitamins, 2 cell activators, 1 green tea, and some water.

I really need to get back into the habit of drinking more water.