026: In which zumba finally clicks and I throw my car radio out the window.

Hey out there! So first things first. THANK you for all of your killer awesome advice on my last post. I definitely took it all into consideration and I've decided to try to be more active at work next week (planning a few long distance walking trips with the kids) and do what Becky recommended and try to find an intense workout to do 30 minutes a day once or twice next week.

Plus, I am going to go to ZUMBA on Thursday night. Turns out the problem on monday wasn't zumba, but rather my instructor. This saturday morning class was SO much better, and easier, and awesome. The instructor, Steffi, plays GREAT music (backstreet boys, anyone?) and her combinations are easy enough that you can actually follow along. She teaches on Thursday nights as well, so I'm going to go thursday after work. Long story short, I am going to make this work.

Also, it would seem that blog fever has started to spread. A lot of you out there are starting to blog about your own life experiences and body images, and I think thats awesome. Jane is writing about "being the bigger person", Elise is writing about her struggle with mental health, and of course, Sara's still holding it down with the twenty/40 project which I read pretty often and love.. You girls have SO much going on! It's crazy. I hope blogging does as much for you as it has for me!

Lastly, and not to end on a down note, but I have to address size-ism. I started to write this blog earlier this week, after reading an article in which a writer for Marie Clare Magazine was reviewing the tv show Mike and Molly which is about two overweight people who are in love. In her article she said that she found it "gross" to watch two people with "rolls and rolls of fat" make out and then even went on to say that she finds it "aesthetically displeasing" to watch fat people do ANYTHING... even walk across a room

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

The writer/director of mike and molly talked about the article pointing out that the whole article (titled should fatties get a room? ) didnt talk about the acting or writing or directing at all but instead was an attack on two people and how their bodies looked. The writer eventually wrote a halfhearted apology but Marie Clare refused to take the article down and stood by it.

So that was strike one this week.

Strike two happened this morning. I missed my exit on the way to the gym and got detoured. I am glad it happened though because I heard DJ Vezze Parmasean on jammin 94.5 talk about "duff hunting". A "DUFF" for those of you who don't know, and as the DJ explained on the air is "the designated ugly fat friend" or the fat girl who goes to the club with a skinny girl and acts as "security" keeping all the guys away from the skinny girl so she can just dance. Duff Hunting, as the DJ explained, is when guys go out in a group and one guy "takes it for the team" and distracts the fat chick so that the other guy can get with the hot girl.

I have HAD. ENOUGH.

DUFF is a descriminatory term. If this DJ was using the term "faggot" or the N word, or "towel head" he would be OFF the fucking air. Same with the magazine article writer. If she siad it was aesthetically displeasing to see black people do anything, even walk accross a room, or that she found it gross to see two jewish people making out on tv, she would also lose her job.

Size-ism is real and should not be tolerated. If you are a bigger size and happy with yourself, you should be. A lot of people turn a blind eye to this because supposedly it's something people can control. Anyone who has ever had to lose a huge amount of weight knows just how hard it is to control this situation. It's almost as offensive as asking someone who is gay to just "stop" being gay.

Like it or not, while you can change your eating habits and work out, there are some people who are just built to be bigger. This is our body chemistry. Our metabolism. Our genetic code. How the FUCK are we supposed to change that?

I would like to conclude this by asking my rhode island and boston friends to Write to the show . Email morning show/feedback/AND if possible DJ Vezze and tell them that this is NOT okay. Listen to hot 106, or literally any other station. You wouldn't want to hear racism or homophobia or any other form of bigotry on the radio. Let's not encourage language that leads to depression, eating disorders, and descriminating people based on their body image.

Anyway. Weigh in tomorrow. Lets see if double duty at the gym makes up for my rocky start at the beginning of the week.

Week 4: 240lbs
Breakfast: herbalife shake w/chocolate protein
Lunch: herbalife shake w/chocolate protein
Snack 1: granola square and a plum
Snack 2: granola square and a salt free rice cake
Dinner: 150 calorie pizza, grilled chicken, and spinach/cucumber salad

Plus 3 multivitiamins, 3 cell activators, and 8 80z glasses of water

Excercise: kicking my own butt at the gym... twice!

022: The susan powter of zumba classes, and recommitting.

Hey all! I was THIS close to not posting today. I'm rather out of it. I've got a migraine headache, cramps like you would not believe, and I'm effing exhausted.

How's that for honest?

To make matters worse, today has just been a really off day for me. I signed into facebook a week early! GASP! I had to check up on some stuff for my sister's bridal shower which is in two weeks, so I couldn't really wait any longer. I also cheated today. Despite today not being a cheat day.

I read a really interesting thing on my friend stacy's facebook. She said that her treat to herself for losing 35lbs was to get hello kitty floormats for her car. And someone commented that that was the right thing to do, and that celebrating by having a cheat day is like an alcoholic celebrating their victories with a few drinks.

And that's really true, you know? I think part of my backslide has to do with my coach TELLING me to cheat. And I think that having lost so much weight in such a short time has made me a little TOO comfortable, which has made me lax a little in my eating habits over the last four days. Which is no good. If you want results, you still have to do the work.

So no more cheat days from now til the wedding. cravings be DAMNED. I am taking this moment to re-commit to my diet once again. I know I do this a lot. But this is HARD. And it SUCKS. And so I have to re-focus myself a lot or I'm just going to say eff it and drop it all together.

120lbs in 12 months.
Scratch that.
100lbs in 11 months.

That's a pretty good edit to make. :)

OH! I also wanted to update you guys on Zumba. I went yesterday, and it was a completely different experience than Saturday. Saturday my heart rate was up and I wanted to die, but it was still a REALLY good class.

Monday just sucked.

I think I stumbled into the zumba doctorate class. Something where you need a masters in salsa hip shaking from juiliard to even keep up with the steps. It was so hard. I felt like I didn't even get a good workout because I was so busy trying to keep up with the steps. Futhermore I was literally the only woman in the class who wasn't a size 2, and I was the only woman who didn't know every single step of every single routine.

This instructor clearly doesn't mix up her songs very much. Or her choreography.

To make matters worse, the instructor, a susan powter on speed super peppy flight attendant of a woman with a neon pink leotard and one of those olivia newton john get physical sweatbands, was overly peppy and continually singled me out. Granted, she was doing it in a positive way ("YOU CAN DO IT!" "JUST KEEP TRYING, YOU'LL GET IT!") but I still wanted to deck her.

When I left the class, red faced and frustrated, she stopped me and gave me a thumbs up and an overenthusiastic "YOU DID A GREAT JOB!". I wanted to turn around and be like... are you fucking blind? I was stumbling around out there. I belong in the special olympics of zumba what the hell is WRONG with you! I didn't do a great job at all!

Her enthusiasm actually made me feel worse. Like, I needed all that extra encouragement and recognition because Im fat. Fuck you lady. I will be attending zumba on saturday mornings only, thank you very much.

So. I'm hitting the gym hard tomorrow. Back to my old routine of cardio/resistance/weights and super tightly sticking to my diet. I have 5 days essentially to undo the damage I've done over the last couple of days. Can I do it?

You bet your ass I'm going to try!

020: Zumba kicks our heroine's ass

So, since I've last blogged, i've been to the gym twice. I went to work out last night, which was awesome since the girl's gym was empty so it was like I had my own private space to work out. Not waiting for the ab machine made wasting my friday night all the more worth it.

Then, this morning, I went to a Zumba class. I was a little apprehensive, since I haven't been to a group ex class in like... years. I have been letting that hold me back since I started going to the gym. It's the same as making the excuse that you are too fat to go to the gym. I didn't want a room full of judgy women watching me struggle with aerobic dance moves. When I'm fitter. I procrastinated endlessly. But today was the day.

And, not suprisingly, I struggled. 10 minutes in I wasn't even sure I would finish. But I did. I messed up my knee a bit, but I did. Old ladies were moving twice as fast and twice as hard as me, but I finished. And it will only get easier. Plus, I love zumba. Who knew shimmying could be a valid form of excercise?

Anyway. Then I went to my coach's studio to weigh in. After 3 weeks I am down 20 pounds and 13 total inches. Which is kind of amazing.

Fuck that. It's REALLY amazing. I'm hoping that by the end of the first month, I will be down 30 pounds. Then I will be three times further than I thought I'd be at the end of the firstmonth. But even if I'm not, I am still so far ahead. I'm so so happy. I cannot say enough good things about herbalife. It's making such huge changes in my life. And while some days are a struggle, it's days like this that make me realize how worth it it is going to be!

Now I am off to celebrate with some delicious fellini's pizza.

016: Wtf, tell me I look skinnier!

Okay out there. It has been almost three weeks. I am getting to the point where my pants dont fit me anymore and my tops/sweaters are comfortable and way way less snug. I feel great, and I can definitely see the difference in my body.


However, I don't think anyone else can?

Of course, I give people who see me on a regular basis the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it's hard to see weight loss day to day in people, and my weight, of course, must fluxuate daily.

However, today I met a friend of mine for coffee. (Well, he had coffee, I had green tea with lemon). We sat and talked for about an hour and a half. I told him about this diet and workout regimen I've been putting so much effort into. It was great to see him but, inwardly, I felt a little disappointed.

I haven't seen this friend in three months. And, I don't know, maybe it's unrealistic at this stage of the game to say so, but I sort of felt like I was expecting a little bit of a wow, you know? Which raises a question- how long before people start noticing? And am I just noticing the changes in myself as a way of wishful thinking or whatever?

My ex-roommate chris told me a few months ago that women don't like being asked/told that they lost weight, or that they look thinner. I think Chris is probably on crack, or else the women he is referring to are. Let me tell you something guys out there: every woman, regardless of what level of fitness she is, does not mind being told they look thinner or asked if they lost weight. It is definitely not a bad thing to hear. Ever.

Anyway, I am not going to let it rattle me. After cheat day I am back on track and ready to find some new ways to work out, since hopefully that will sculpt and tone me even more. I am thinking about taking Zumba at my gym (I used to take it in new york in 08 and I loved it), and maybe try yoga or a power sculpting or kickboxing class. I am a little nervous since part of me thinks I will totallly make an ass of myself in front of a whole bunch of fitties, especially if I pass out or puke or something, which, depending on the intensity of the class, is entirely possible, but I definitely feel like I need to try something more, you know? Something drastic to speed things along a little. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to do anything potentially harmful, and I know I will get there eventually. Still though. I want that wow factor, and I want it now.

I've never really been a patient person.