So. Today was cheat day. I've decided not to post what I've eaten today, but suffice it to say that today's cheat day was lovely. It's good to indulge every now and again. Everything in moderation, right?
And tomorrow it will be back to the diet grind, refreshed and re-committed. Ready to hit the gym running (literally!).
Also, worth noting, is that my friend Ruth, whom I went to film school with, runs a UK group devoted to raising awareness about body image. I was actually in the bar with her talking about the very things I write about in this blog 6 years ago when she came up with this idea. Six years later I'm still writing and still struggling, and she's got this thing that's kind of a big deal in the UK. It can be found here: http://www.bodygossip.org
Aaaanyway, she read my blog and asked me to write something for their upcoming book. That's pretty exciting news. I think I'm going to write about that feeling a little like a sellout. Losing weight is a very conflicting experience, especially since at a certain point I think I deluded myself into thinking I owed it to myself not to lose weight (if that makes any sense). It's like, if I lose weight I am conforming to society's conventions of beauty and desirablility, because I think that's the only way to live. I think, in a lot of ways it's seemed kind of strangely brave. I admire women who can say "you know what, this is the size I am, I love it, and fuck you if you can't get on board with it." Part of me wanted to be that woman.
Part of me also wants to get married someday. Part of me also doesn't want to be a huge risk for diabetes and heart disease. So you see? It's conflicting.
Anyway. So that's where I'm at. Not much else to report today.
Is it totally sad and pathetic that I'm already considering what I will enjoy on my next "cheat day"?
I understand your point about feeling like you are selling out. But, I try to live by and tell other people to do and think what they want and disregard what others think. Just the other day, an older woman in my rock climbing class said she "used" to be able to tell people that she was a newlywed. But 6 years later, she doesn't think she can anymore. I told her, call yourself a newlywed! If you feel like a newlywed and you want to express to others that's how you feel, who cares what the years add up to? It's all how you view it. All that matters.
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