Today has been mostly status quo, folks. Stuck to my diet pretty religiously, and in lieu of the gym played kickball, ran relay races, jumped rope, and played knockout basketball for 2.5 hours. It feels so good to be able to keep up with my kids at work, and they have noticed. This little boy, Tyler, looked up at me during kickball and said "miss jen, you're fun!" I've known tyler for 3 years and he has never said that before. He also has never seemed so genuinely suprised in his life.
Tonight will be my pampering night for the week. Paint my nails, maybe put on a facial mask, typical girly stuff. Other than cheat day, it's something I genuinely look forward to every week! hah.
Also today, on the way home, I got to thinking about dudes. I have been trying, in this zen monastic state, not to think about men or dating at all lately. And I've been doing a pretty good job. But come on, I'm only human.
And I got to thinking about the guys I've met, pined for, dated or not dated in the last 5 or so years. Which made me wonder how many guys I've lost out on because of my size.
I mean, don't get me wrong, the inner feminist in me wants to scream that if a guy cares that much about dress size and can't love me for who I really am then fuck them, but still. Psychology states that all men are subconsciously attracted to a specific waist to hip ratio, because in their mind that means that a girl will be better at furthering their genetic line. They are biased against massively skinny skeletal girls as well.
Also, your mind subconsciously puts people into categories to make thinking easier. These categories are called schemas, and overweight people are considered less pleasant, less organized, less desirable in just about every way than skinny people. And of course that's not true, but come on. We all do it without thinking. I've even done it before.
I'm looking forward to gaining a little self confidence and getting back out there and testing this theory. Part of me worries that I will still strike out and then will have to face the scary reality that maybe all men are not shallow and that my singledom has nothing to do with my size, but rather some incurable personality flaw, but it will be another exciting adventure anyway.
I suppose that's it for today. My siser's wedding is getting closer and with it, the first pictures that will be taken of me since I started this whole thing. And after the wedding I will be foraying back into the social scene that I have missed so much, ready to say things like "no thanks, I'm not hungry" and "I'll just be having water tonight".
It's going to be interesting, to say the least!
And for those of you keeping track... my chicken didn't thaw in time, so today's food alotment was pretty much exactly the same as yesterdays.
Miss Jen, you ARE fun.
ReplyDeletedudes, whata tricky subject.
we definitely need that girls night soon.
I am going to email you offline about availability.
Thanks! I am absolutely down for a girls night soon. I need to get back into being social and all that jazz.
DeleteI am trying to word this in a way that isn't going to sound like I am doubting your ability to do this, but I know from experience how easy it is to like someone who meerly shows interest in you and it not going anywhere.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that when dudes start lining up to date you, that you keep your filter on. I think it's easy for everyone, myself included, to take the first best thing. Continue to be selective once you have everyone's attention :) You deserve someone who makes you feel like a million dollars every day. He's out there Jen.
Jen...don't think about who you've missed out on. That's not how it works. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and you are truly meant to be exactly where u are right now. This journey you are on is changing you, both physically and mentally. The partner that you're meant to be with forever needs to meet up with you at the exact right time in your life. That time has a lot more to do with how you're feeling emotionally about yourself and life than what weight you are. Don't forget that your perfect person is going to love you for who you are, not what you look like. I do know that initially attracting them is easier when you're thinner, but I agree with Maggie that u should be careful. You deserve a guy who ADORES you and don't settle for anything less. ----Marie
ReplyDelete